Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader seems to remember that once upon a time he read something about how to be a better blogger. Although the advice didn’t take, he does from time to time remember some admonitions of whomever the author was. One of the pieces of advice was that every post should have a single unifying theme and should jump all over the place.

Well… This is not going to be one of those posts.

The first bit of news from Italy is off the news wire. It seems as though thanks to a clandestinely made plaster cast of Dante’s skull (crafted by Professor Fabio Frassetto in 1921) scientists have made a 3D model of the great poet’s face. The reconstruction is very interesting and does have Dante’s famed “aquiline” nose. But the nose is not as pronounced as some renderings would have one believe it was. You can judge for yourself…

3D rendering circa 2007:

Dante by a renaissance artist:

Your Maximum Leader doesn’t have a problem with either… So he’ll probably start to think of Dante using the new model…

In other news from Italy…

Famed Italian Producer Carlo Ponti has passed away. Ponti was 94. Your Maximum Leader has loved many of the films Ponti produced (most of all Dr. Zhivago). He was great at what he did.

Of course, his passing also means that Sophia oren is now available. Perhaps it is wrong of your Maximum Leader to notice but Sophia Loren is still very very attractive (although she is old enough to be your Maximum Leader’s - youthful - grandmother). Honestly, your Maximum Leader feels empathy for Loren right now. After more than 50 years of marriage, Ms. Loren must be particularly desvastated. One hopes she finds solace in her family and friends.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided that he isn’t finished talking about James Bond.

More specifically, he is almost finished talking (writing?) about James Bond, but has not yet begun to discuss that equisite sub-species of humanity known as the “Bond Girl” (latin: Puella Bondus - NB: your Maximum Leader’s Latin is very sketchy at this point so he will welcome any helpful hints on the whole genus/species naming conventions.)

As for the discussion of Commander Bond himself, your Maximum Leader was going to point out one little problem with Casino Royale that did have to do with James Bond’s pedigree. That issue has been taken up by our good friend Wing Commander Seal. So, go visit Mr. Seal and read up on the biography of Commander Bond.

Then, there was Mr. Elk, who linked a site which asked “Who is your favourite Bond Girl?” It was that post that was the inspiration for this little missive by your Maximum Leader.

You see, your Maximum Leader is partial to a great many Bond Girls. Something he’s learned about himself by thinking of this post is that he likes a great many Bond Girls who hail (by birth at least) from France. The again confirms your Maximum Leader’s belief that he loves a great many things French, but is not at all partial to France’s Government.*

Anyhoo…

Allow us to move along here and go over your Maximum Leader’s favourite “Bond Girls.”

1) Carole Bouquet (For Your Eyes Only)

Your Maximum Leader will give his number one vote to Carole Bouquet. Ms. Bouquet is now Mrs. Gerard Depardieu (if what your Maximum Leader reads is correct.) That saddens your Maximum Leader greatly. For your Maximum Leader, while no Sean Connery - or frankly even Sean Astin, is a better looking man than Gerard Depardieu. Of course, your Maximum Leader is not as good an actor as M. Depardieu. Indeed, your Maximum Leader’s only film/stage role worth noting was as Prince Geoffrey in “The Lion in Winter.” But if Ms. Bouquet was looking for someone she could have, at least, rung up your Maximum Leader to see if he was available.

Now, your Maximum Leader will completely agree with Mrs P that if Ms. Bouquet had spent more time working on acting and less time working on how to stare, she might be a more memorable Bond Girl. Your Maximum Leader chalks up Ms. Bouquet’s lack of acting ability to the fact that she is really just a model. In fact, at the time she was selected for the role she was, if your Maximum Leader remembers, the “face” of Clinique Cosmetics. Now, you are probably wondering why, if she wasn’t all that good an actress why on earth would your Maximum Leader choose her as his all time favourite Bond Girl? Why for looks of course.

Allow your Maximum Leader to write plainly here. These ranking are, solely, a beauty contest. He’s not making any judgements about which Bond Girl is a better actress, or delivered her lines better, or any other such thing. This is purely a list of how good-looking a particular actress was at the time they starred in a Bond flick. Your Maximum Leader’s personal taste being the only judging criteria.

2) Halle Berry (Die Another Day)

Frankly, Halle Berry is one of the most stunningly beautiful women on the face of the Earth. As it turns out, she can - more or less - act as well. Witness her winning an Oscar for that film she did will Billy Bob Thornton. Of course, some might go so far as to say that she won the Oscar because she filmed a sex scene with the aforementioned Mr. Thornton and acted as though she enjoyed it. No small feat that was. So, Halle Berry makes the list. For the sake of full disclosure, your Maximum Leader must once again admit that he has not even watched “Die Another Day.” So he cannot comment on he character portrayal in the movie at all.

3) Daniela Bianchi (From Russia With Love)

As your Maximum Leader has already noted, “From Russia With Love” is his favourite Bond movie. For a while your Maximum Leader’s adolecent days were filled visions of Daniela Bianchi which he lustfully memorized from a Betamax copy of the film he watched repeatedly. While your Maximum Leader has not really favoured blondes, he will make a noteworthy exception for Ms. Bianchi.

4) Sophie Marceau (The World is Not Enough)

Another French woman, the second of this list, Sophie Marceau comes in at number four on your Maximum Leader’s list of Bond Girls. Of course, your Maximum Leader also liked her in “Braveheart” and “A Midsummer’s Night Dream.” (NB: That film was particularly poorly done in your Maximum Leader’s opinion, but Ms. Marceau was good as Hyppolita. Mrs. Villain liked her in a version of “Anna Karenina” we watched on PBS once. Your Maximum Leader didn’t like the production much, but now can visualize Sophie Marceau as Anna…)

5) Claudine Auger (Thunderball)

Yet another French woman on the list. Claudine Auger played Domino in Thunderball. Her portrayal of the character was far better than that of Kim Basinger in “Never Say Never Again.” You will recall that “Never Say Never Again” was the not-Bond-film. Due to that dispute over who owned the rights to “Thunderball” some schmoe was allowed partial ownership of the story and promptly took advantage of the ruling to get Sean Connery out of retirement for one more stab at the role of 007. All in all it is a fine film, but in the end, your Maximum Leader prefers the original. And prefers Claudine to the “other” Domino.

6) Ursula Andress (Dr No)

Your Maximum Leader was, like so many countless men out there, titilated the moment Ursula Andress came out of the ocean in that white bikini in “Dr No.” The fact that she also was wearing a knife made he seem just a little dangerous on top of being sexy. (NB to female readers: Sexy + Dangerous = Irresistable) Ms Andress is Swiss, from Bern, which makes her a Francophone - in as much as most Swiss are tri-lingual - and she lived for a time in Paris. Your Maximum Leader wonders if this makes her at least partially French?

7) Famke Janssen (Goldeneye)

Famke Janssen is the second of two Bond Girl villains on the list (the first being Sophie Marceau). Xenia Onatopp is a parody of the sexy villain - really now screwing your targets to death? - in Bond films. But she pulled it off well. Ms Janssen is quite sexy in fact. Her turns in the X-Men movies have, no doubt, endeared her to millions of young men. (Humm… She and Halle Berry both in X-Men movies? Bond Girl as stepping stone to comic book adaptation blockbuster?) Your Maximum Leader will admit that his favourite Janssen role happens to be her portrayal of Kamala in the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode entitled “The Perfect Mate.”
Eva Green (Casino Royale)

Another French woman. Your Maximum Leader will admit that he thought Eva Green was English or American affecting a British accent. As it turns out her last name is “Green” pronounced “Gren.” Miss. Green’s turn as Vesper Lynd is quite good. She has an actual dramatic range that is evident in the film. Your Maximum Leader didn’t recognize her from the only other role he’s seen her play, that of the Princess in “Kingdom of Heaven” - which was a very disappointing film all in all. He’s read that Miss Green’s role in Bertolucci’s “The Dreamers” drew oohs and aahs from hormonally normal men for her full frontal nude scenes. Perhaps that will be a rental someday…

9) Michelle Yeoh (Tomorrow Never Dies)

Your Maximum Leader has always thought of Michelle Yeoh as a particularly sexy woman. He can’t recall the first time he saw her in a film, but he thinks it was some martial arts movie recommended to him by his best friend Kevin, the Big Hominid. Most people recall her from “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” - which itself is a fine film and worthy of a recommendation.

10) Corrine Clery (Moonraker)

The fifth and final French woman on the list. Corinne Clery was one of those minor Bond women who end badly. If you recall her role at all (and frankly there is no reason you should), she played a helicopter pilot who was torn apart by dogs in “Moonraker.” As your Maximum Leader has already gone on the record stating that “Moonraker” is the absolute nadir of the whole Bond franchise, it is rather ironic that even one thing about the film should be included in a “best of Bond” list. Corinne Clery is good looking enough to make the list.

So there you have it. Your Maximum Leader’s list of his top ten favourite Bond Girls… Oh… The title of this post mentions the RCBA… As we all know your Maximum Leader (a nominal Catholic at best - although he’s found himself going to Mass recently) is fond of the study of beauty. Film-making is an “art.” You do the math…

Oh yes… There if your Maximum Leader could make one request of the producers of the next Bond film… It would be to consider the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt as a Bond Girl. It would do your Maximum Leader’s heart good…

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has seen that neat Jerry Zucker “ad” that has been circulating around the blogosphere. On Six Meat Buffet, our friend Gordon the Cranky Neocon, posted the ad from YouTube and noted how he loved Zucker’s “Kentucky Fried Movie.” In response to a comment your Maximum Leader posted, Gordon admitted that he did not know the name Ushci Digard.

Well… Some of you might know that your Maximum Leader has a blogger site he doesn’t update much called “Got Villainy?” Originally it was supposed to be a back up site to this one - in case of technical problems. Well, on that site he posted an entry a looooooonnnngggg time about about Uschi Digard.

Since Cranky didn’t know who she was, your Maximum Leader figured he’d make it easier for him to find out about her. (The post is also reprinted after the fold. The post also has some NSFW links…)

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got an e-mail from reader the jist of which was “I don’t live in Virginia. I don’t care about George Allen. I don’t care if he is a racist. Move on.” Now, one thing before your Maximum Leader moves on… While your Maximum Leader is not going to make any claims or represenations about anyone, he does think that one probably doesn’t want a true racist sitting in the US Senate. So perhaps people should care.

But hey… It is time to lighten up…

And what better to put one in a lighter mood than… the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt.

For all of you out there find this site looking for search terms like “jennifer love hewitt naked” and “jennifer love hewitt nude” and “jennifer love hewitt cow” and “jennifer love hewitt playboy” (and your Maximum Leader knows there are lots of you) he presents the dreamy Miss Hewitt in her “music video” entitled “Barenaked.” That means that this is the title track of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt’s album “Barenaked.” In the song, the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is “bare naked” and “just can’t take it.”

Your Maximum Leader can take it… Just not in Playboy.

Humm… Does this count as being “art?” Your Maximum Leader wonders if videos count as an art form? Perhaps he should consult the RCBA…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is gonna probably hang it up for the day. He realizes after perusing some of his favorite blogs he realizes that nothing he’s got today will come close to the animaversions of others.

Need proof?

Dr Rusty is (if your Maximum Leader might channel Stuart Scott) like buttah because he’s on a roll… You should go over to The Jawa Report to learn about a nutjob who the Florida Democrats have nominated for Congress, Geneva Convention Rights for the bad guys, and (your Maximum Leader’s favourite) the best lookin’ Stormtrooper around.

Your Maximum Leader thought that Skippy’s most recent is a classic. It captures everything that we love about Skippy. Politics, sex, and self-loathing.

The Hatemongers take academics to task.

and…

Mrs P is recollecting stories of ladies undergarment failures. (In church no less.)

Oh yes… Thanks to Buckethead your Maximum Leader now has this image stuck in his brain… Not the first image… The second…

That image almost requires a stiff drink…

Carry on.

(more…)

Text of my phone call to the Maximum Leader last night:

ML: “Hello?”

SH: “Hey. Just calling to let you know that the new Ryan Seacrest show on E! is about to do an interview with Jaime Pressly and Jennifer Love Hewitt.”

ML: “Jennifer Love Hewitt! Oh my god! (titters like a little girl)”

SH: “Oh wait, he is only interviewing Emmy nominees on this show, so Jennifer Love Hewiit won’t be on. Only Jaime Pressly. Talk to you later.” (Click)

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Hummm… The Smallholder must be back at work again. To think… A man who would “crank call” his friends like this is out there teaching the youth of America. Weep for the future.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as you may recall, spent last week at the beach. One day he was sitting in the pool just relaxing. The pool has this little island in the middle with some submerged benches in it so that you can sit in the water. While your Maximum Leader was sitting there, watching the Villainettes and minding his own business, a young couple swam up and sat next to him.

When your Maximum Leader says a young couple he means that these were both (probably) recent high school graduates. 18-19 tops. They were both young and beautiful. Indeed, they were both stunning physical specimens.

So, they were sitting in each other’s loving embrace on the bench next to your Maximum Leader. He chanced to overhear them talking. It was something like this:

Him: Oh baby. I’m so glad your parents let you come to the beach with me and my parents.
Her: Yeah. They were very cool about it since your parents will be here.
Him: I love you so much baby. I can’t believe it’s been over six months since we met.
Her: Yeah. The time has passed quickly.
Him: I don’t know what I can do to prove my love for you baby.
Her: Yeah.
Him: You know, baby… My parents are going out for dinner tonight. We could bag out and say we are going to get pizza delivered and watch a movie.
Her: Yeah.
Him: Then, you know…
Her: Yeah. Maybe.
Him: Oh baby. I hurt thinking about you.
Her:
Him:
Her:
Him: Oh baby. You’re so sweet. You are like the hottest.
Her:
Him: You are like a Greek Goddess.
Her: Aren’t Greeks sorta hairy.
Him: Oh baby. Your hair is beautiful.
Her:
Him: Oh baby. Let’s stay in tonight.
Her: Maybe.

And so it went for longer than your Maximum Leader caed to listen. He decided to swim away.

But right before he swam away he wanted very desperately to interject himself into the conversation. In fact, he wanted to prove himself completely villainous. If your Maximum Leader were not a faithful husband and father he would have turned to the girl and said: “Look Sugar Tits, this guy wants to nail you pretty hard. But he’s got nuthin to offer. Well, nuthin except being 18 and horny. How’s about you and me go out. Yeah. I’m older and not as good looking. But I make six figures. Own my own car. Have large cash reserves. Can buy you things he can’t even think of. You know… I can treat you real nice. And after about 15 minutes of sex I like to have a bowl of ice cream and watch TV. You can do whatever you want then… So… How ’bout it?”

Your Maximum Leader thinks that the odds are about even that he would have scored.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees signs everywhere. What sort of signs you may be asking yourself? Afterall we see street signs, billboard signs, lighted signs, and hand signal signs everywhere. Well, loyal readers, the signs your Maximum Leader sees are those signs that portent the end of Western Civilization as we know it.

The latest sign… From Reuters: Hundreds expected to come at masterbate-a-thon.

Okay… First off… The sexual double entendre is a bit much even for your Maximum Leader - who’s been known to indulge in a little sexual double entendreing from time to time. But once you get past the headline and article you have to just wonder what the hell is going on in the world?

Here is the article with pithy commentary from your Maximum Leader:

LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe’s first “Masturbate-a-thon”, a leading reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday.

Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.

Only 200? All masturbating together? Note to Londoner friends of your Maximum Leader - wear Haz-mat suits in Clerkenwell area for next few weeks.

“It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness,” a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters.

“We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos.”

It would seem as though the aim of the Masturbate-a-thon is to have people do more than talk about safe sex…

Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms — a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas.

They have to be over 18? Isn’t the age of consent in Britain something like 16? And frankly, wouldn’t you want to target the promiscuous teenagers who most need this type of “dicussion.”

However, the rules on the event’s Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.

Why is this not reassuring? Yo can’t touch others. Leering is appropriate - presumably.”

The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve,” the Web site said.

The Marie Stopes spokeswoman said local religious groups had been initially outraged, but after people had heard what the event was about, most had approved it.

Police had also given it their approval.

Lovely… Sponsored orgasms. That is a pledge sheet your Maximum Leader is sure one would like to carry around the office. “Hey Bill… Will you pledge $5 for every time I ‘beat the bishop’ if you know what I mean…. And speaking of bishops… Local religious groups stopped their objections once they heard the event was for HIV awareness? Well… One wonders if they would be willing to suspend the 10 Commandments for a good cause? The Golden Rule would go by the wayside for a good pancake dinner… Would a Muslim be allowed to forsake a Haj just to participate in an infidel-sponsored multicultural event? It boggles the mind.

Similar events have been staged in San Francisco for the last six years raising $25,000 (13,000 pounds) for women’s health initiatives and HIV prevention. If successful, Marie Stopes said it could take place elsewhere in mainland Europe next year.

Well… It doesn’t shock your Maximum Leader to learn that this fundraiser had its genesis in the US. In fact it is somewhat comforting to know that we in the US can continue to lead the world in the breaking down of sexual taboos that shouldn’t be broken down. One wonders if other EU countries will clamour over the right to host next year’s Masterbate-a-thon.

And lest you think your Maximum Leader is a complete prude… He will go on record declaring that he has nothing against Onanism. Frankly… How or if one chooses to satisfy one’s self sexually is not much of your Maximum Leader’s business. But public masturbation? Masterbation is something that ought to be kept private and personal.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wants to know something… What would possess otherwise attractive women to get massive tattoos all over their lower back? Really. Your Maximum Leader would like to know. He’s seen lots of tattoos around here this week. It has gotten so bad that he’s reserving judgement on the overall attractiveness of a woman until he gets a good look at her and checks her out for the huge tattoo over her arse.

Frankly all large tattoos on the front, back, arm, or leg are unslightly. Your Maximum Leader can overlook some tattoos. Generally the ones that are under 2 x 2 inches square…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, in the days before the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt, did have a thing for Christie Brinkley. Ah yes… Your Maximum Leader remembers those days well. The halcyon days of the Reagan years. The Gipper was our President. The Soviet Union was our enemy. Crockett and Tubbs were on TV. Members Only jackets were hip. Your Maximum Leader was wearing unpressed linen jackets (earth tones only - no pastels) and gurkha shorts from Banana Republic (before they were just an extension of The Gap).

And there was one uber-babe to rule them all…

Her name was Christie Brinkley.

Your Maximum Leader, who generally favors brunettes to blondes, thought that Christie Brinkley was quite hot. For the sake of full disclosure, your Maximum Leader was also a raging bundle of hormones at the time. If push came to shove he could find something attractive about just about any female of the species…

But… Eventually, Christie became entangled with that William Joel fellow. They went off and had babies together. And Christie faded into your Maximum Leader’s distant memory.

She re-emerged around that time she nearly died in that skiing accident. Then she faded away again.

Then she showed up recently on some commercial. And Mrs Villain commented, upon seeing the commerical, that she was really good looking for being 40 something. Around then we both figured out that Christie was more like 50 something… We both agreed that Christie is still a hot woman. (Your Maximum Leader is willing to overlook that whole Billy Joel thing…)

So… When your Maximum Leader read that Mr Christie Brinkley was exposed for having an affair with an 18 year old in his employ he was waiting for the apology. He’s issued it. It seems he was stupid and foolish.

Yeah. Your Maximum Leader would agree. He is stupid and foolish. He is undeserving of sympathy.

Of course, he is like what? Mr Christie Brinkley number 5? If he had just waited a little bit she would have moved on to Mr Christie Brinkley number 6…

Regardless… He is an idiot.

And Christie Brinkley was never esteemed by your Maximum Leader as much as he platonically loves the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader isn’t much to make promises to you all. He doesn’t want to make a proclamation and then have to renege. Of course, reneging is a perrogative of being a Maximum Leader - but for your sake he doesn’t want to go to that well all too often.

This being said, allow your Maximum Leader to make you a promise…

If you are an attractive woman, your Maximum Leadr will never fire you from a job from growing from a “C” cup to a “D” cup. Never. Never ever. Indeed, if you are an attractive woman and you go (by any means frankly speaking) from a C cup to a D cup and want to show your growth to your Maximum Leader; please feel free to do so.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that DC Comics is reviving the Batwoman character. When Kathy Kane returns to Gotham she will not only be a socialite… She will be a lesbian as well.

You might think this move would shock your Maximum Leader. But it doesn’t. Your Maximum Leader, quite frankly, couldn’t care less about Batwoman’s preferences in bed. (Although, if you’ve ever read any of Dr. Rusty’s “Good Gay/Bad Gay” posts, you should know that your Maximum Leader - for esthetic reasons - prefers “good gay” to “bad gay.”)

Do you know what peeves your Maximum Leader most about the whole “new Batwoman” thing? Take a look at this photo and tell your Maximum Leader what is wrong with it.

Heels. What the hell? Your Maximum Leader knows that it is a comic book and all. But listen up DC comics artists. Your Maximum Leader can suspend his disbelief enough to accept that every woman in the DC comics world has pouty lips, a narrow waist, gravity-defying breasts, a shapely arse, firm calves, and a propensity to wear spandex. Frankly, he wants to suspend his disbelief in those areas… But he cannot believe that a superheroine would wear heels. Any heel above a typical work-boot type height at any rate. He just can’t do it.

Your Maximum Leader suggests that you artiste types rework the boots and get back to him.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders what has become of the Washington Post? The newspaper that brought you Watergate now feels the need to bring you 4 full (web-based - not print) pages explaining “Wingmen.”

As if you need to explain the concept of the Wingman? Great jeezey chreezey! Your Maximum Leader particularly liked the duty listing of the Wingman:

He must be decent-looking but not too handsome, or the lead man will end up being the wingman. He must be sociable, able to move the conversation forward or back off, depending on how the lead is doing. It helps if he can gather intelligence on the girl early in the evening, sense whether his buddy has a chance and impart that wisdom privately before the offensive starts.

Your Maximum Leader particularly liked the following line that explained that if the friends of the “target” are not that attractive then the Wingman must “throw himself on the grenade.”

Heh. Throw himself on the grenade. What an analogy. As if chatting up an unattractive girl is like saving your buddies in a foxhole…

Your Maximum Leader flew Wingman once or twice for the Smallholder. (In the days before Mrs. Smallholder of course.) The Smallholder did the same for your Maximum Leader. It is the way of men…

Of course, none of this explains why the Washington Post feels the need to make Wingmen news. It isn’t like the Wingman is a new deal. Famous Wingmen of the arts might include Petruchio and Tranio, Figaro, among others. Perhaps the article isn’t exactly a sign of the decline and impending fall of Western Civilization… Perhaps it is just a slow news day… Or not…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders sometimes how Ted finds some of the stuff he does.

Case in point: teledildonics.

(Or if you like you can read the article that prompted Ted’s comments here.)

Humm… Sex toys one attaches to oneself but that are controlled by someone else over the internet… One supposes that a dial-up connection could cause serious physical harm…

Carry on.