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Notes From Self to Smallholder

Finally. Some Good News About The Pope.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader continues to be amazed at the number of news programs dedicated (or dedicating a significant portion of their time) to Pope Benedict XVI. As you no doubt know, there always seem to be two pundits on all these shows. One “Conservative” Catholic and one “Liberal” Catholic. The show generally consists of the host (or hostess) lobbing some mindless questions into play and watching the pundits go nuts.

Your Maximum Leader wonders why on earth we don’t have more people familiar with the prophecies of St. Malachy on TV.

Who is St. Malachy and what are his prophecies you might ask?

Well, until your Maximum Leader read this article (Doomsayers Say Benedict Fits World End Prophecy) he had never heard of St. Malachy.

So it seems as though Pope Benedict XVI is the second to the last Pope. And the next Pope will be the one who leads the righteous before Jesus at the final judgement.


Guess you shouldn’t make any long-term plans then.

Carry on.

Bad Names

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was out reading over a number of different blogs and happened upon this post of Norm’s.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Self, that church sign is pretty funny. I thank my Maximum Leader every day for pointing out such great stuff! I love my Maximum Leader unconditionally.”

Or not…

But your Maximum Leader read that sign and got annoyed. Very very very annoyed.

You see. The Smallholder may be vexed by Pius XII being venerated. (NB: But you can make a whole bunch of arguments on that one. So while your Maximum Leader agrees that Pius XII is a bad choice overall for veneration, he can see that there is another side to that argument.) But your Maximum Leader never fails to be vexed at the very sight of the name: St. Cyril of Alexandria.

All you non-Catholics out there might not know who St. Cyril of Alexandria is. You want to know about St. Cyril of Alexandria? Here is a bio. Here is another.

What they don’t seem to mention is Cyril’s role in the destruction of the Library at Alexandria. Admittedly, Theophilus was the Patriarch of Alexandria at the time of the Christian-rioting-led destruction of the library. But Theophilus was Cyril’s uncle and your Maximum Leader has always read that it was Cyril who led the torch-bearing crowd into the library.

In all honesty, this wasn’t the first time the library was sacked. Julius Ceasar did it first. But his sacking of the library doesn’t appear to have set humanity back hundreds of years. And of course the Caliph Omar was the last to destroy the library. But by that time, many of the volumes contained therein had already been lost.

Your Maximum Leader would never name a church after St. Cyril… Even if he did fight Nestorians. Damn those Nestorians!

Carry on.

Note To Self

At Jackfest, sit Rob as far from the kids as possible.

Also, hire bouncer to keep him from hitting the keg too hard.

The Minister of Propaganda Will Be Pleased

Rob is flattered by the Llamas.

As an aside, when is the MoP going to work with Ms. Pressly? I need to schedule my California vacation.

“Did You Bring Enough Cowpies For Everyone?”

Happy Birthday today to Smallholder. Fuck yeah!

Oh, shit, is this a fucking family party? Who put the fucking kids table right next to the goddamn adult table? Godammit! Fuck that! No, I said fuck that! What?

Fuck, sorry.

Oops, fuck.


I’ll just not say anything, then.

. . .


Some Dates…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader can remember all sorts of dates. He keeps them in his head. At the strangest times your Maximum Leader can recall the oddest dates and recite them.

But your Maximum Leader cannot recall birthdays. He can’t remember Mrs. Villain’s birthday. He can’t recall his parent’s birthdays. He can, with a moment to think about it, remember his children’s birthdays. He can’t even remember his own half the time.

So, your Maximum Leader has, over the past year, tried to write down birthdays and later record them in an electronic calendar. He sets them as recurring so that year after year he is prompted to remember an important date.

He was reminded this morning about a date.

Today, April 28th, appears to be the Smallholder’s birthday.

Your Maximum Leader thought he would write some nice tribute to the Smallholder, but the muse is not upon him right now. (This could be fortunate for you, dear minions.) Indeed, not only is the muse not upon him for a touching tribute, the muse isn’t upon him to write a smackdown of the Smallholder either.

So your Maximum Leader is in a lose-lose here.

If you get a moment, give your favourite bald-headed, bearded, girthy, civility-crusading, shit-tasting, independently-minded farmer a big shout out. And if you are pretty you might give him a hug too. (He’ll hug pretty men just as easily as pretty women - so don’t be put off. He is independently minded afterall.)

Happy Birthday Mark. Many happy returns. From your pal (and Maximum Leader), Mike.

Carry on.

Memento Moron Hits the Nail On the Head

Fatherhood changes everything.

Things which I would previously veiwed with abstract opprobrium now are likely to trigger the fight or flight response.

For instance, bad drivers used to annoy me. But when a driver comes through an intersection and I have to brake hard, the presence of my wee-ones in their little seats unleashes real anger: This jerk just endangered my kids!

I feel a much more visceral anger over the pedophile priest scandal. If the archbishop moved a child molester into my diocese, thus placing my child at risk, I can imagine that my reaction to the Archbishop might be something right out of Sin City.

Even on a non-threatening note, I’m also taking more vocal exception to the coarsening of society.

Last night my family was dining at a sushi place. Two tables over, a group of six UVA athletes (I’m not sure what sport) were entertaining themselves after a match. A couple of their speakers began to liberally salt their dialogue with the f-bomb. I was trying to sit there and enjoy a meal with my two year old and wife and I became ncreasingly irritated with their selfish lack of concern for the other diners at the restuarant. When a couple of dirty looks failed to encourage restraint, I addressed them directly, emphatically, and clearly: “Sir! There are children around. Have a little common decency.”

My wife was horrified: “Who are you?” She was concerned that I might be inviting retaliation. Honestly speaking, I never even considered that possibility. I was genuinely angry.

I guess they could tell. They meekly apologized and immediately decamped.

I guess a large, angry, bald-headed hillbilly with an unkempt beard might be a little intimidating.


Smallholder: Decency Crusader!

Advice for the Poet Laureate And Shy Fellas ‘Round The World

If you fancy a girl, go talk to her.

Don’t use intermediaries.

Don’t do a subtle dance for three weeks.

Walk up, strike up a conversation. Be witty. Ask questions. Asking about someone’s relationship status is relatively harmless. If they are in a relationship, they will be flattered that you were interested. If they are not, you’ll get immediate feedback on whether they fancy you.

If they don’t fancy you, there is no consequence. Shy fellas seem paralyzed by the fear that they will be rejected.

Smallholder says: So what?

You accept their non-interest and move on. Without having wasted weeks (or months in the case of certain way-too subtle wannabee dictators) in fruitless pining.

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself.

Thus sayeth Smallholder.

Moral Retardation

I am appalled that the Maximum Leader is torn over Joe’s situation. Using almost any moral theory, Joe ought to, indeed has a duty to, report his plasma-tv thief of a relative.

The concept of omerta is not a moral choice. It’s a criminal conspiracy.

Joe received stolen goods - and don’t be fooled, he knew they were stolen goods. The Maximum Leader would laud him for helping cover up the crime of his co-conspirator?

We have a moral obligation to society. We ought to look out for one another. When we refuse to “snitch” and demonize those who do cooperate with the authotites, we create a climate in which criminals can operate in relative safety. If the costs and risks of crime are reduced, the relative attractiveness of crime rises, and we end up with more crime. So Joe’s countenance of his relative’s pernicious behavior is a way of condoning theft. This affects us all.

The unabomber’s family understood this. If they had turned their backs on their moral duty, and hid behind the “blood is thicker than water” canard, we might still have a murderer on the loose in the backwoods. Ted’s family acted morally to bring his Luddite crusade to an end.

I teach many kids who believe that “snitching” is the worst sin one might commit. This is a morally retarded belief. If concern for one’s neighbors, whether based on the golden rule, the teachings of religion, or rational utilitarianism, is the foundation of morality, allowing other people to harm the general public is always wrong.

Family members or not.

MWO ministers beware. If you commit a crime against the public, Smallholder will turn you in. I’ll still be your friend, but I take my obligation to society seriously.

Plasma TV Tattlers

HOW THE *#$%# do you use a quotation mark without getting the mumbo jumbo????

The kids AND the Warden are in bed early, affording me a little time to jump in here (and forgo the Cuban Ceegar that has been aging 2 years in the humidor).

I am inclined to feel sorry for “Joe” as he is a friend of the MLs and, any friend of the ML is a friend of mine (See ML decree #2027-b).

Anyway though, come on. A dirt poor, known to be bad-news relative shows up with a PLASMA TV?


I am sure the warning bells went off in Joe’s head at this point. You KNOW that he knew these were stolen goods at the time.

If he thought it was legit, why would he have any trouble telling the Cops where he got it? (Which COULD have been his way out, “Gee Malcolm, I didn’t know you STOLE the TV, I thought you traded in your food stamps for it.”)

But hey, a PLASMA TV for “‘hunert and fidy dollahs???” (or what ever the going rate for stolen plasmas is)

I am glad that this discussion is not about what the FM would have done, but most people know that dealing/possessing stolen property is a no-no. I think that either way Joe was in a tight spot as even if he revealed his source, they could have got him on possession anyway.

Back to the trenches.

Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader never fails to sink into a deep despair when he realizes just how little most Americans know about the Greatest and Second Greatest Presidents in our nation’s history.

Your Maximum Leader is, of course, speaking of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln respectively.

There was the hullaballo surrounding the opening recently of the Abraham Lincoln Presidental Library & Museum.

And over at Mount Vernon, they are working on a display that features anthropomorphic Washington’s as he “really appeared” for the new “The Real George Washington” educational center.

It is sad that organizations like Mount Vernon and the Lincoln Presidential Library have to spend so much time just trying to teach the basics about two figures so important to American history. There is a baseline of knowledge that all Americans should be expected to have concerning Washington and Lincoln. Alas, learning that information seems to be less important that setting up processes for encourging tattlers and boosting self-esteem.

Carry on.

Another Item For The Amazon Wish List

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees yet another book that he will have to add to his Amazon wish list. Ronald Reagan’s diary is being published. At least the White House years are being published…

Carry on.

Global Warming and Nuclear Power

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was over on Ted’s site this morning reading his most recent posts. He started with this post: Rocket Jones: Global Warming is caused by Environmental Activism. Then he started following the links. First to the Q and O blog, then to the Chicago Tribune, then finally to this site concerning Pebble Bed Reactor Technologies.

What a facinating read. Your Maximum Leader has always been a fan of nuclear power. He has never understood the pathological hatred of nuclear power by so many people. Yes there have been problems in the past. But technology has changed and improved dramatically over the past 30-40 years. Many nations (France immediately comes to mind) have great nuclear power programs. Your Maximum Leader feels that we need to do more to encourage nuclear power plant development in the US. It would reduce our dependence on foreign oil…

Carry on.

Kathy Responds

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader (link whore that he appears to be) sees that Kathy as given some thought to the post concerning tattling and turning in relatives.

Read her post here.

More on this as it develops.

Carry on.

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