Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has got to buy another computer. When Mrs Villain and the Villainettes are all needing to be on the computer and on-line at the same time that just pushes your Maximum Leader out of the blogging business. Perhaps your Maximum Leader will use that “stimulus package” money to get a new computer… Then again… Maybe not…

Speaking of Mrs Villain and the Villainettes. They were in a car accident today. Don’t worry. All are well. They are a little stiff, but all in all everything is okay. Keep them in your prayers. Keep your Maximum Leader in your prayers too as he gives his villainous nature a work-out as he deals with insurance companies.

Your Maximum Leader needs to alert Mrs P that he’s lost that photo he mentioned to her the other week. When he gets some computing time, he’ll see what he can do to recover the photo.

And lastly…

As longtime readers know, your Maximum Leader is a whisky man. Scotch first. Bourbon second. After that, he pretty much drinks beer. He has indulged from time to time in rum drinks. Well… He’s had a bottle of fine Russian Vodka in the liquor cabinet for a few years now. After watching some program on Russia and Vladimir Putin on cable this weekend, he decided to drink some of this unopened (and probably 3 year old) vodka. So, he put the bottle in the freezer to get it to set up right for drinking. Since your Maximum Leader is not of Russian extraction, he doesn’t do straight vodka. He knew he needed a mixer. He searched around the Villainschloss and found just what he was looking for…

Did you know that if you mix vodka and V-8 fusion (mango/peach) you get one serving of fruit, two servings of veggies, and two servings of liquor in one tall plastic cup? That there is what your Maximum Leader calls smart drinking.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader kept a small pad with him during his recent trip to Las Vegas. The purpose of this pad was to jot down random thoughts he had that might make a good blog post. Now, he’s just decided that the jottings themselves will be come the blog post… Here we go…

Ugly women with big fake boobs. There are many of them in Vegas.

Neon gives one’s skin an unhealthy look at night.

The Bellagio is showing it’s age. Although only 10 years old, it could use new carpets, fresh paint, and new upholstrey.

The casino ceiling in Mandalay Bay is too high to be comfortable - but probably helps in dispersing cigarette smoke.

Ashley Dupre is hot. But, she has a small tattoo that is distracting.

Eliot Spitzer isn’t going to be gettin’ any for a while… Even if he tries to pay for it.

There are many better things to do with $80 large.

Okay… Maybe there are a few things better to do with $80 large.

Drunk guys playing blackjack near you isn’t much fun if they are loud and obnoxious.

Foie Gras is sooooo damned tasty…

Foie Gras and bacon is damned close to heaven on a plate.

Is creme brulee out of fashion? You can’t find it anywhere.

Smoked salmon, capers, cream cheese, and red onion on a salt bagel is a good way to start your morning.

The Wynn is cool.

How much water does Vegas have? Is there really a future there?

Cab drivers in Vegas are more chatty than in other cities.

Why is it that although I’ve been staying up until midnight or 1 am, I can’t sleep past 5am?

Ceasar’s casino is better than Bellagio’s because they don’t use shuffling machines.

$5/hand single deck blackjack is fun.

Ben Bernake has the toughest job in the world right now.

I didn’t understand Keno until a waitress explained it to me. After understanding how it works, I find myself wagering $10 on six numbers for 5 games over breakfast. Is that the sign of a problem?

Barry Manilow doesn’t look 64.

Penn & Teller rock.

I don’t like eating at the Palms. The restaurants are okay, but priced like they are superb.

There are many hawt young things at the Palms.

Since I don’t like eating at the Palms, and I’m not big into the night life, is there a reason for me to go to the Palms ever again? Probably not.

I’m glad I bought new sneaks at Niketown. Walking everywhere is killing me.

These new sneaks are Da Bomb.

Sports books are fun, even if you don’t bet.

Putting $2 on Georgetown to win the whole deal… UNC and Kansas be damned!

Haven’t seen one person in the whole city wearing apparel of a sports team I give a damn about…

For your money, a Bentley is a better ride than a Maybach. The difference is the leather.

Sadly, I missed the all you can eat sushi at some place near the Hard Rock. I also didn’t go to Nobu - again… Damn…

Lobster omlettes seem just a little indulgent for breakfast. Just a little…

Saw Pete Rose in a memorabilia shop at Ceasar’s. He looked pathetic. I wasn’t going to spend $100 to get a signed ball and photo. Damn Pete Rose. Lousy bastard.

Glad to be going home…

There you have the thoughts… Some not even in third person…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is returned from a week in Vegas. Ah… Las Vegas… That city can bring out the worst in a person. Luckily, it did not bring out the worst in your Maximum Leader. He came home only about $50 down and with fun memories of seeing Penn & Teller and Barry Manilow. (Excursus: If you are a personal friend of your Maximum Leader and remember seeing a Penn & Teller show with him at the National Theater in DC at some point between 1990 and 1995 please let him know. He is sure that he saw the show with someone, but now can’t remember who…)

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader is now a week behind at everything. That means he might need a day or two to catch up. This process is made worse by the fact that (once again) the Wee Villain is rife with pestilence. Over the past six weeks the Wee Villain has been afflicted with (in order): severe cold/border-line flu, strep throat, ear infection, full-blown flu, and now conjuctivitis. This is driving your Maximum Leader and Mrs Villain nuts.

Your Maximum Leader can’t commit to much blogging over the next few days, but he’ll give it the ole college try…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes you all a Happy Valentines Day. May you all consume senselessly to stimulate the economy. And may all you men out there get gifts of flannel and other “stimulation” - if you catch his meaning…

(Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge. “Say no more.”)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was lucky to get to the polls today. Indeed, he is lucky to be typing today… You see, influenza has struck the Villainschloss. Villainette #2 is rife with the pestilence. It makes your Maximum Leader very sad to see her suffer like this.

Villainette #1 and the Wee Villain are on tamilflu as a prophylactic.

Your Maximum Leader is hoping to avoid contamination…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is relaxing today and trying to get in the mood to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Elvis A. Presley. As is his custom, dinner tonight will be meatloaf, whipped potatoes, boiled (perhaps steamed) carrots, and milk. The family might have share a peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwich as an appetizer. Dinner will be followed by a chocolate cake with white frosting decorated with the words “Happy Birthday to the King.”

And the iPod will be blasting Elvis music the whole time.

Great fun… Great fun…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes all of you, his loyal readers, a very Happy New Year. He hopes that you are all well and not too hung over. Your Maximum Leader, as is his habit, didn’t do too much to celebrate New Years. Indeed, for many years the extent of his celebration consisted of hanging around with his best buddy Kevin. We would watch movies, and then switch over to Dick Clark at about 11:55. We’d watch the ball drop in Times Square, then we would go back to watching movies until we drifted into the clutches of Morpheus. Now that Kevin is in Korea, our old plan is not practical. So, your Maximum Leader stays at home with is family and watches movies and then switches to Dick Clark at about 11:55 and watches the ball drop.

Pretty exciting huh?

Excursus: Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure how he should feel watching Dick Clark. On the one hand, Clark has made great progress since his stroke a few years ago. But on the other hand, your Maximum Leader feels badly watching him. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of being voyeuristic when watching Clark.

You know who your Maximum Leader misses on New Years Eve? Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians. He went out and bought a copy of Auld Lang Syne on iTunes to satisfy this nostalgic feeling.

Anyhoo, your Maximum Leader generally does indulge himself with a bottle of Pol Roger on New Years. But this year he opted to go with an Italian sparkling wine from Veneto. It was very good (he should say it is very good, as he hasn’t quite finished the bottle yet). The Processo he bought is dry with undercurrents of fruit (apples or pears). This sparkling wine has the benefit of only being about $17 a bottle - as opposed to the $50 a bottle your Maximum Leader is used to spending on the Pol Roger. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that he is enjoying the Italian wine as much as he has enjoyed the champagne in the past; but it is still pretty tasty.

Speaking of tasty…

The Almond encrusted pork loin was quite delicious. Your Maximum Leader took is massive pork tenderloin (featured in the post below) and cut it into thirds. He went ahead and prepared two of the three pieces for Christmas. He and his family wound up eating one third on Christmas day. The other prepared third was itself divided into thirds and divied up between your Maximum Leader’s in-laws, parents, and hungry self.

The third portion of tenderloin is thawed out and waiting to be prepared tonight. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t heard from anyone on a good preparation (NB to Mrs P: You teased me with a promise of recipe…). So he thinks he will do a typical rosemary and garlic marinade for a few hours then roast.

In unrelated news, Your Maximum Leader should tell you all that he’s been thinking recently that there is some big question in his life to which he knows the answer. The answer is (apparently) Venice. Yes, the city in Italy. He isn’t sure what the question is, but feels that Venice is the answer.

Anyhoo…

On to New Years resolutions. Your Maximum Leader will share a few of his with you all.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will bring peace to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will compete as his own nation in the summer Olympics in Beijing. He will not finish lower than fourth in every event. He will accomplish this feat by using his heretofore unknown ability to warp the time-space continuum.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will win every Nobel Prize available when he completes his “Grand Unified Theory.” This theory, which will be ultimately be confirmed by scientists from the Gamma-Zeta 294 system 8,433 years from now, will unify all practical questions of physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, and literature. The key to the unification of science will be the proto-electroneuquark partical - also known affectionately as “The Maxy”.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will end global warming by meditating for 72 hours straight under a blossoming tree surrounded by dancing wood-nymphs.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will be elected President of the United States without receiving a single popular vote. He will win a unanimous vote of the Electoral College. After his inauguration in 2009, Canada, Great Britain, Mexico, Brazil and Lichenstein will voluntarially surrender their national sovreignty to your Maximum Leader and the Mike World Order shall begin.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will wish the previously dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt a happy married life; he will move on to the passionate Lola Astanova as the object of his platonic affections.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will try to improve the quality (if not quantity) of blog posts here at Naked Villainy.

There you have them. Your Maximum Leader is pretty sure he can keep up with at least two of them…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was driving around doing some errands last night. At one point during his travels, he heard a commerical on the radio for Amtrak. It was followed by a commerical for Southwest Airlines. These two commericals spawned an interesting train of thought…

That train of thought transported your Maximum Leader back to high school. When your Maximum Leader was in high school, some students were allowed to play music over the public announcement system in the morning during the time from when the first buses arrived at the building to a few minutes before the school day was to begin. This was our school “radio station.” From time to time one of the “DJs” would interrupt the music to read from his large collection of printed airline and train schedules. (Yes, this guy apparently had a hobby collecting train and airline schedules.) He’d tell you that there was a flight on Delta from Rochester NY to Atlanta GA at 8:28am - or some other such useless (yet superficially interesting) flight/train information.

So your Maximum Leader wonders… Do airline companies still print those little books with all their flight schedules? In this age of wireless access of just about anything through one’s laptop, phone, or PDA, it seems as though printing a booklet would be a waste of money… But not printing one would make collectors of such relics rather sad.

And in case you were wondering… Your Maximum Leader is not the “guy” in this story. He’s never collected airline or train schedules.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes you all a very happy Thanksgiving. He hopes that you have a good one and enjoy the time you have with family and friends.

And your Maximum Leader exhorts you all to pull for the Green Bay Packers in their contest against the Detroit Lions tomorrow.

It is unlikely that there will be further posting here until next week… But if the moment strikes your Maximum Leader he’ll blog.

Carry on.

Our good friend the Big Hominid has triggered a change in Seoul’s Subway System.

For shame, you big ho.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes you all a safe and happy Halloween. It looks like Villainette #1 will be a witch, Villainette #2 will be a pirate and the Wee Villain will be Spiderman for Trick-or-Treating tonight.

Your Maximum Leader will accompany, of course.

He will be dressed like a serial killer…

Because they look like anyone…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader does this because all the other cool kids are doing it.

And one with less color:

Get your own here.

Carry on.

My apologies to the Maximum Leader for my paucity of perspicacious posts in recent months.

I’ve got victory disease.

No, it’s not that I’ve conquered the Pacific and overrun my initial Greater East Asian objectives and acquired an arrogance that will only be cured by atomic fire.

I teach AP US History. I’m pretty good at it.

Teaching AP is a chore; most teachers are too sane to volunteer for duty. When I started teaching here in Harrisonburg I had 22 kids. Four years later, I have 45.

When I started teaching AP, I had an extra planning period for grading and preparation. Since there are now two AP classes (45 kids won’t fit into my room and I wouldn’t want them to), they had to take the plannine period away. So I have twice the essays to grade and half the time.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you: it is the reality of the job. Well, perhaps I’m complaining a bit.

The numbers have jumped because I am drawing in the science and math and arts kids who heard that the class is fun and that they are likely to do very well on the high stakes exam.

Many of these new kids do not take AP European in their sophomore year. So I have to cover more material to get them up to speed. But how can I complain when I arrange to have extra class sessions after school and 75% of the class voluntarily shows up for another hour and a half of history?

So my level of energy is shot - I haven’t had much left to wander over and be a good little minion of the Maximum Leader.

Otherwise, life is sweet. Emilie just turned five and is starting to read. Jack is now three, and the wee Ben is nine months.

I have a great wife who is giving my kids a fun childhood and even takes care of the farm animals when I am late at school for an AP activity. It would be nice to have some more couple time, but we’ve made choices (kids, jobs, and the farm) that make that hard. In a few years when the kids are more independent we’ll have regular date nights. In the meantime, we can still have rousing intellectual rows over politics (I’ve got a doozy to report).

As an added bonus, my wife, like Ben Franklin’s wife, doesn’t mind that I’ve fathered a child with another woman.

Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a bad case of the sniffles. He supposes the fall alergy season is upon him and he needs to get back on his allergy medication and some decongestants. For a condition that is reasonably harmless (watery eyes, stuffy sinues, runny nose), it can really make you feel like crap. And when you feel like crap, you probably shouldn’t blog.

(Excursus: Your Maximum Leader thought that perhaps the good Smallholder would post some more yesterday… But apparently he blew is proverbial wad the day before with his amusement concerning William Henry Seward. By the way… Care to see the Smallholder in front of William Henry Seward’s House? Clicky here for the image. Three posts in one day… Should we expect a three month wait now before another post?)

Now some of you might be wondering about the title of this post… Iglooit. Well, your Maximum Leader has learned that iglooit is the plural of igloo. You know iglooit. The snow/ice block shelters built by the Inuit. Villainette #1 had a school project that required her to learn all about iglooit. She also had to build one. Mrs Villain suggested using sugar cubes to build an igloo. This seemed like a sensible idea. The sugar cubes would approximate the texture and color of snow. It seemed to make sense. And your Maximum Leader assumed that (the elementary school teacher) Mrs Villain had done some sort of project like this in the past. Well… He assumed incorrectly. She’d never done anything like this before.

Well… Allow your Maximum Leader to tell you something. Building an igloo out of sugar cubes is a royal pain in your arse. It might have been a little easier if we had used a fast drying glue. But we had a large supply of Elmer’s white glue, and that was the binding medium of choice. Eventually, your Maximum Leader had to shore up the interior with wads of (removable) paper towels to keep the structure from collapsing while drying. Mrs Villain decided to use some leftover vanilla cake icing as a mortar on the exterior of the structure (sort of like the Inuit using loose snow to fill in any gaps or cracks between blocks).

Now your Maximum Leader has described his role and Mrs Villain’s role in building this quasi-confectionary igloo. Allow him to assure you that the majority of the work was in fact done by Villainette #1. While the total effect is not Hollywood-special-effects-model quality; it is perfectly fine for a 5th grade project for a 10 year old. The igloo is a little lopsided, but the effect is right.

Oh yes… Your Maximum Leader forgot to mention the role of Villainette #2 and the Wee Villain in all this construction. Villainette #2 felt her role was that of building inspector. Her comments were “it’s leaning over too much here” and “you shouldn’t leave so much space over here” and “I don’t think that looks like a dome.” Villainette #2 was eventually banished from the construction site. The Wee Villain felt his role was to check the quality of the building materials. So he would come and sneak up and steal sugar cubes from the box and then run away and eat them. The would also dip his fingers into the cake icing and then lick them clean.

Your Maximum Leader imagines that he’ll be finding partially eaten sugar cubes and globs of icing all over the house for the next week…

Carry on.

Steve-O the Llama Butcher just made me guffaw:

“What would William Seward do?”

Of course, I always call him William Henry Seward. In fact, the eldest male wee Smallholder is named Jack William Henry Smallholder.

Besides wanting to paint the map British American Red from Cairo Hudson Bay to Capetown Tierra Del Fuego, he was an abolitionist who was considered too radical to get the 1860 nomination. He became one of America’s greatest Secretaries of State and played a key role in putting down the secessionist slavocracy sedition.

Steve-O linked to a Christian Science Monitor article describing a nascent independence movement in Greenland. I was particularly amused by one of the local idiots opposed to independence:

“Aqqaluk Lynge, head of the Inuit Circumpolar Council’s Greenland chapter, agrees. “We are afraid that the United States will take over Greenland if the Danes get out,” he says. “If Americans can take Iraq, then why not Greenland?”

Indeed, sources say that even if Greenland becomes independent – an event supporters see as at least a decade away – it will keep very close ties to Denmark, in large part out of fears of US hegemony. “

Meanwhile, in the secret underground lair, Darth Cheney’s mad Machiavellian machinations continue:

“Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Greenland will be hours. We will feast on the entrails of the Inuit!”

“But sir,” stammers the stunted minion, “Greenland is constitutionally linked to Denmark! An attach on Greenland will trigger a Danish counterattack!”

“Bah! Foiled again!” Wailed the Vice President/Prince of Darkness, “If it weren’t for the invincible Danish army, we would rule the world. But we’d best bide our time for now. Eventually, those omnipotent Danes will make a mistake. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!”