Readers of FLG’s blog will know that he (FLG that is) has a category labeled “Object Sex.” In the object sex department this little bit from the Huffington Post (via Jonah Goldberg): Hitler Gave Nazi Soldiers Blow-up Sex Dolls to Combat Syphillus. The money quote (ahem): “…the project was reportedly canned when soldiers refused to carry the dolls in fear of embarrassment if captured.”
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes all his Francophile readers (and any French readers he may have) a happy Bastille Day. May you day be filled with liberty, equality and brotherhood.
Of course, looking at his own blog, your Maximum Leader feels like something of a jack-hole for not wishing his own countrymen a happy 4th of July… He has no excuse. He was out celebrating himself and didn’t think about blogging. As atonement, your Maximum Leader will light off some leftover fireworks in honor of the taking of the Bastille. He’ll also swill some French wine too. He might even think about Mélissa Theuriau, Carla Bruni, Sophie Marceau, and a bevy of French women…
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader recently celebrated a birthday. His best buddy Kevin procured for him a Blu Ray copy of the classic “Evil Dead II” with Bruce Campbell. Your Maximum Leader loves the Evil Dead movies. He is specially fond of “Army of Darkness” (which he’s watched many times over the years on his ole DVD/Blu Ray player).
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been blogging for 8 years now.
Admittedly he blogged more in years 1 - 6 than he has in 7-8. But he is still at it.
Your Maximum Leader thinks his output would increase if he got more computer time… Which is to say another computer for the ole Villainschloss… He has to chase his older progeny off the computer every time he wants to use it…
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader mused the other night, on Twitter (@maximumleader if you care to follow him) that he felt like he should own himself a sword.
Now, it is likely that this sudden urge to own a sword stems from two elements in your Maximum Leader’s person. The first is that for the past month or so he’s been reading George R.R. Martin’s “Song of Ice and Fire.” (NB: He is now starting book four, “A Feast for Crows.”) There are lots of swords in those books…
The second is that swords are cool. Your Maximum Leader has always loved swords. (NB: He also thinks that a sword is a handy back-up weapon to have during a zombie apocalypse.) He, at one time long past, had a cheesy replica cavalry sabre. He doesn’t know what came of it (but it is likely that it wound up being sold or given away to someone). But he has, from time to time, wanted a sword.
He doesn’t want any sword mind you, he wants a sword with character.
For a long time your Maximum Leader has been torn two ways when it comes to swords. The first way is towards Japan. Like so many others, Quentin Tarantino for example, he believes that the Japanese samurai sword is about a great as you can get in a sword. Your Maximum Leader isn’t talking about a katana that is stamped out of pot metal, chromed, and sold in a Spencer’s Gifts in a mall somewhere. He is talking about a legitimate sword, crafted by hand by folding heated metal upon itself over and over again, then hand polished. Of course a sword like that is a work of art and, sadly, way out of your Maximum Leader’s current budget.
But there is another problem with an authentic katana. (Which is the only type he’d want.) It is Japanese. Your Maximum Leader is not Japanese. He feels a little weird about investing himself in a Japanese sword…
Your Maximum Leader is of good Scottish stock. So the likely sword for him would be the claymore. Now when your Maximum Leader says “claymore” he’s thinking about a full-out medieval two-handed great sword. That is a sword that befits a Maximum Leader. The very idea of a claymore stirs the Scottish blood in your Maximum Leader.
Then again, your Maximum Leader is American. And like America, we have got to make badass stuff that is our own.
That is where your Maximum Leader’s interweb acquaintance the Amazing Ben comes in. You may know the Amazing Ben from his kick-ass blog (Badass of the Week) or either of his two fabulous books (here and here). Ben also tweets at @badassoftheweek
If you know anything at all about the Amazing Ben Thompson, you know that he knows badass forwards and back. Ben, upon reading that your Maximum Leader was thinking of swords, and was thinking about how a sword would come in handy during the zombie apocalypse, suggested that your Maximum Leader check out a website that might satisfy his yen for a sword as well as be handy to have in the zombie apocalypse.
Your Maximum Leader now suggests you go on over and check out Zombie Tools.
Your Maximum Leader is not prone to cursing on his blog… But oh fuck yeah. This is what he’s talking about. Check out the blades they sell. (Here if you need a linky to clicky).
Your Maximum Leader is completely captivated by the Apokatana. (He is also pretty psyched by the d’Capitan, but the Apokatana seems to speak to him.) See the Apokatana in action (NB: they drop the f-bomb a few times - so be careful who is listening):
How about the guys testing out their wares on Earl the zombie cow:
Well… Now your Maximum Leader is going to have to squirrel away money to save up and get an Apokatana for himself… There just ain’t no two ways about it. He’s going to have to have one…
Unless the guys at Zombie Tools decide to make a claymore style great-sword…
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader seems to explain to Mrs Villain (and now his villainous progeny) a few times a year that “Not Guilty” is not the same as “Innocent.”
From what your Maximum Leader can tell, Casey Anthony is “Not Guilty” of any crimes other than lying to investigators. That doesn’t mean she didn’t do it. What it means is that the state didn’t prove its case beyond a reasonable doubt.
Your Maximum Leader is okay with the outcome of the case. If the state doesn’t prove the case, the accused goes free. That is the way it should be.
Your Maximum Leader will now set the over/under for Casey Anthony appearing in a strip club/nudie mag/soft-core porn near you at 10 months. (After she serves whatever time to which she’ll be sentenced for the crimes of which she was convicted.)
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been away. He’d say he’s sorry about that, but it would be a lie. He’s taken a little vacation and then has been rather busy. So there it is.
By the way… Since it is the first of the month… Rabbit!
Since it is the first of July, Happy Canada Day to those of you in the great white north.
Your Maximum Leader might post some photos of his vacation here when he gets them all of his camera and phone…
And of course, we Americans will be celebrating the Glorious Fourth of July this weekend. It remains your Maximum Leader’s favorite holiday of all. This year he’ll be celebrating with some fireworks he bought while on vacation in Tennessee. And let us say that some of these fireworks are “difficult” to “obtain” in the great Commonwealth of Virginia. We’re watering the area around the launch site as a precaution starting today…
A friend of your Maximum Leader send him a little message containing some interesting tidbits. Your Maximum Leader can’t vouch for the accuracy of any of these items, but if they are true - or nearly true - they are fun.
There’s a 1-in-6 chance the beef on your backyard grill came from Texas. (The Lone Star State is the leader in the production of cattle and calves)
More than 155 million hot dogs will be consumed
68.3 million cases of beer will be sold this weekend (4th of July is the top holiday for beer sales)
There’s a 1-in-3 chance that your side dish of baked beans originated from North Dakota.
$111 million will be spent on popsicles alone this weekend
Your Maximum Leader is willing to accept the truthfulness of all of those except the popsicles one. That seems like an astronomical number for popscles. But it may well be true.
Your Maximum Leader may post more over the weekend if he gets a chance…