The Slayer of Wilde Things

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is, today, the Slayer of Wilde Things. (See how he added that “e” to wild to make it look all “olde tyme”-y?)

By his reckoning, he’s killed no fewer than 8 small wild creatures today. (And the day is still young.)

The first group of creatures he killed was sort of by accident. He disrupted not one, not two, but three bird nests this morning and this disruption lead to the deaths of 7 baby birds in those nests. (Some survived - so it wasn’t complete bird-o-cide.)

The eighth creature your Maximum Leader killed was quite intentional. It was a black snake.

Normally when it comes to snakes your Maximum Leader is something of a live and let live type of guy. Snake eat vermin that your Maximum Leader dislikes more than the snakes. He likes letting animals higher up the food chain live if he can. (He applies this to spiders too. Spiders eat other more numerous and annoying insects thus he tends to let them live.) Alas, this snake seemed to run afoul of your Maximum Leader’s sister-in-law and had to be dispatched. Sadly it was the shovel for the snake. The snake was quite lively and resisted quite a bit. But in the end your Maximum Leader proved he was the higher life form. Out of curiosity after the snake was done in your Maximum Leader determined to measure it to see just how big a snake it was… The snake (without head) measured 38 inches on a tape measure. The head was likely another 3 or 4 inches.

That was a healthy sized snake. Was being the operative term of course.

Your Maximum Leader feels a little badly about having to kill the snake. And he hopes that mice and other vermin aren’t going to flourish due to this act… Of course, if they do, your Maximum Leader can kill them too.

Carry on.

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