Just Some Bloggy Goodness

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is trying to relax. He’s had quite a day… Where to begin…

First off, thanks to a particularly generous friend your Maximum Leader and Mrs. Villain were without the Villainettes last night. Originally Villainette #1 was scheduled to do a sleep-over with a friend. When Mrs. Villain was dropping off Villainette #1 an offer was made to Villainette #2. The offer was, “Hey do you want to sleep-over too?” The answer was yes and thus your Maximum Leader and his lovely wife were left with just the Wee Villain.

And how did your Maximum Leader and his adoring spouse spend their nearly free time… They went grocery shopping of course. Then came hom and had some dinner (freshly purchased - already cooked - at the grocery store). After dinner the Wee Villain sacked out. It was 8:15.

Now many of you are probably thinking to yourselves, “Selves, I bet my Maximum Leader (aka: Fine Ass M Ice) got his groove on and made some sweet sweet lovin’ to Mrs. Villain.”

Well… If you were thinking that you’d be as disappointed as was your Maximum Leader. Mrs. Villain needed sleep. And sleep she got.

If you want to read about your Maximum Leader’s day, click below the fold… Otherwise here are just a few fun links for your amusement.

A link for the Big Hominid, in case he missed it’s reference by the V-man and JohnL.

Find out what crime you are most likely to commit by clicking here. (Thanks to Mo for the link.) Your Maximum Leader will let you guess which one he got…

Don’t forget to add yourself to the Loyal Minion Locator map. It is cool.

And your Maximum Leader must thank the three minions who bought stuff from the Villainous Commerce store. Two of you were women (guessing from the orders) and one of you is a man. Of course this is an assumption. The two orders for women’s stuff could have been made by men who want to give their lovely feminine companions the finest in Villainous apparel. (And vice-versa on the order of men’s stuff.) Just so you know, in case you are unfamiliar with how Cafe Press works… Your Maximum Leader doesn’t get any of your personal information when you order. He just gets a message saying he sold stuff. So whomever you are out there buying minions know your Maximum Leader loves you. (And he means that in a purely platonic way. Unless you are female, hot, morally liberal, and discreet. In which case he’d be happy to mean it in other ways… Heh.)

What does amaze him however is that his store has sat for months with no activity. Then in one night - BAM! Three orders. Many thanks to you… Remember that scientific studies have shown that weekly wearing of Naked Villainy apparel will increase testosterone production in men by 150% and increase women’s bra cup size by a full letter.

With that…

Carry on.

So you want to know more about you Maximum Leader’s day?

He turned in at about 11pm last night. He awoke this morning to the manaical laughter of Villainette #1. It seems Mrs. Villain rose at the normal time and just decided to go and get the children from our friend’s house.

After waking, Mrs. Villain informed your Maximum Leader that we had a busy day scheduled and that he would have to get out of bed immediately and get going.

The first stop of the day was grooming. The entire family had appointments to get hair cut and trimmed.

Now loyal minions… You will remember that your Maximum Leader was sort of anticipating good lovin’ last night. And you will further remember that no good lovin’ occured. So your Maximum Leader was feeling a little frustrated. Why does he bring this up? Well… Because of his haircut.

At the place where your Maximum Leader and his family get their hair cut, before they start cutting they generally offer to wash your hair. Now, if your Maximum Leader has never mentioned it before… He generally doesn’t like people other than Mrs. Villain touching him in non-casual ways (like handshakes and the like). He can’t stand spas and he doesn’t care for massages or any such thing. With one exception. He doesn’t mind his hair being washed if you do it the right way. This is to say very ot water and very hard scrubbing.

Well… The very young and very attractive young woman who does the hair washing has finally learned how your Maximum Leader likes his hair to be washed. And today it was hard to sit in the chair and have her do her thing. You see… Today the young red-maned beauty was wearing a three-sizes-too-small t-shirt that read “Spooky.” Indeed when your Maximum Leader first saw her he thought she was wearing a longish sports bra. So the red-haired beauty asked your Maximum Leader to get into the chair for a hair washing. She then leaned over him, with her lovely young breasts barely contained by her t-shirt and said, “You want it hot and hard today right?”

Yes. Oh, yes.

Well. Somehow your Maximum Leader was able to keep himself under control as the steel-fingered beauty gave his scalp the once over. Self-control was a particularly hard task when she had to lean over your Maximum Leader to get the conditioner for men. Those lovely assets brushed over his forehead and made your Maximum Leader think a whole range of unseemly thoughts.

After the shampoo the haircut went without a hitch.

Then your Maximum Leader had to take Villainette #1 to Target to buy some socks, some tights, and a pair of dressy boots. Now your Maximum Leader wants to know something… When did it become acceptable for 8 year old girls to dress like painted whores? He doesn’t recall anyone in his peer group dressing like a whore in 3rd grade. He doubts if he knew what a whore was in 3rd grade. But if you go to a Target you can see a number of “get-ups” that if they were worn in various combinations they would make your 8 year old look like a slut.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader then returned home and picked up the other kids and took them over to his sister-in-law’s house. Whereupon all the kids (5 in all) got dressed up in Halloween costumes. Then we proceeded to a big Halloween party at the Country Club. (In case you’re wonder what happned to Mrs. Villain, she had a church thingie to attend all afternoon…)

If you were a kid under 10 the party was just for you. If you were an adult you were subjected to banging, clanging, shouting, screaming, and - of course - crying. If you were a kid you got to gorge yourself on Pizza and Corn-dogs and lemonade. If you were an adult you got to share your toddler’s Corn-dog. (He’d take a sloppy bite, then give you some. Then he’d take another sloppy bite, then give you some.) And finally if you were a kid you would get prizes and toys and thingies to play with in great quantities. If you were an adult you would have to be thankful that you drove the Suburban for it was capable of carrying three kids, their stuff, and the whole morass of stuff home.

Then your Maximum Leader returned to the Villainschloss. Mrs. Villain was home from church and offered to take the Villainettes out with her as she ran other errands. Your Maximum Leader took that offer. Then he got doubly lucky when the Wee Villain decided to take a nap…

And now all is quiet except for the hum of the computer and the clicking of keys as your Maximum Leader blogs…

Carry on.

2 Comments
MoK said:

So unfair to reserve test results, Leader Maximus. But leaders have that prerogative, of course. Not even a hint? Public Nudity? Murder?
Bah! (All said while trying best to maintain loyal minion status, of course)

Can’t come close to the commotion of a Halloween Party of young’ns.
We have discovered dogs on the kitchen table helping themselves to whatever they pleased. And chairs were properly placed tightly up to table from that point foreward.



Kevin Kim said:

I enjoyed the “link for the Big Hominid.” It reminded me, at times, of Howard Stern writing about his own anal fissures.

The guy even use the word “sessile,” a word I haven’t seen since reading Larry Niven’s old sci-fi short stories back in the 80s.

I noticed, though, that the elves started small in his post, then inexplicably got larger. Is that what happens to elves when they crawl into your butt?

His post makes me wonder whether I shouldn’t get my own asshole checked out. Preferably by someone other than Dr. Pokey.

Kevin



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