Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is greatly disappointed in you all. GREATLY disappointed. Have you just started to take him for granted? Are you traipsing through life singing to yourself “La-la-la” and going “Fiddle-dee-dee” at everything?

A few days ago your Maximum Leader’s blog, yes this blog Naked Villainy, turned three.

Three years of (almost) daily musings and insight from your Maximum Leader and his ministerial cronies.

And not a single one of you mentioned it…

That leaves it to your Maximum Leader to celebrate his own damn self…

Lets do some greatest hits from Naked Villainy’s last three years…

From Decemeber 2003 - the Meat Cutter’s post. Excerpt:

With Americans being more health conscious than ever, our beef is being trimmed of its fat in a way completely unknown to our parents, grandparents, and other ancestors. Hamburger is proudly sold as being “95% lean.” This, my loyal minions, is a travesty. A few years ago, on Christmas day, your Maximum Leader looked into the oven in which was cooking the Christmas roast and saw that there were no drippings! And not only that, there were only 2 teaspoons of fat in the pan. This, my loyal minions, was not enough fat with which to cook the yorkshire pudding. So that year your Maximum Leader vowed never to be without sufficent fat on Christmas; lest his yorkshire pudding be cooked in Crisco and barely edible. From that year forward, your Maximum Leader himself has always gone out to a local butcher and acquired some extra fat for his yorkshire pudding. This year, the trip to the butcher was a rude awakening in how the terrorists have taken control of our nation.

Of course there is the famous Smallholder post about Toad Sexing. Excerpt:

[They - the toads] were cool pets. I taught them to jump through hoops. They slurped worms up like spaghetti. If you fed them lightning bugs, the lightning bugs would light up inside their bodies, glowing redly through toad skin. If you fed Shake and Speare several lightening bugs and then let them hop around, the blinking lights would make them look like moving Christmas trees.

I always wanted to have them lay eggs and hatch tadpoles, but over three years never had any luck, even though I had a male and female pair.

Shut up. It’s not that hard to sex toads, you perv.

Many people enjoyed the post “Me & Ronald Reagan” about your Maximum Leader’s meeting with President Reagan. Excerpt:

When I was next in line, I stepped up to the velvet rope. A White House advance man looked at me as I was looking up and trying to judge my distance from the President. (Which I judged to be about 15 feet.) The advance man spoke to me in a muted, but emphatic, voice, “What do you think you’re about to do young man?”

“Wuh?”

“You’re about to meet the President of the United States. And look at you! Stand up straight.”

“Uh, yeah…” I said suddenly worried about everything about my appearance.

He then added, “Fix your tie for God’s sake. Button your jacket. What is wrong with your hair?”

And finally there is your Maximum Leader’s real fav - 10 Things. That is ten things that would really make the world hate us. Excerpt:

3) Implement a true “you have it, we want it, we take it” foreign policy. Suppose we need more oil. We invade your country and take it. We pay nothing for it. We kill as many people as we need to in order to get it. Then we leave. This policy also goes for gold, silver, uranium, sheep, apes, elephants, coconuts, bananas, exotic hot chicks, whatever really. We can get really whimsical on this one… Maybe one day Congress decides we need a national “schnitzel day.” The night before, we invade Germany and/or Austria and take all the schnitzel we can lay our hands on…

Yes loyal minions… These are but a few of the posts that keep you coming back for more and more. Your Maximum Leader will try to keep cranking out the hits… You keep on coming back for more.

And bring your kneepads… You’ll need them.

Carry on.