Facebook will always strike you down

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t been paying very close attention to the race for Congress in his district (VA 1). That may seem a little out of character, but it isn’t really. The First District of Virginia is a safe district. Rob Wittman, your Maximum Leader’s Congressman, is in little danger of being outsted by his Democratic challenger, Krystal Ball. (Yeah, the name is sorta sounds like she should be endorsed by gypsies everywhere.)

Other than seeing a few ads on the interwebs (from the Ball campaign in which she accuses Wittman of being wooden), he hasn’t heard much about the race. It really isn’t making news. At one point, someone in the Wittman campaign made a crack about Ball being cute. That caused a stir. Apparently, Ball was once voted one of the sexiest staffers on Capitol Hill. In spite of that, we can’t comment on her physical appearance. That’s sexist you know. (NB: In your Maximum Leader’s opinion, Krystal Ball is sort of cute. The photo she has of herself on billboards and stuff around is very unflattering.)

Well Krystal Ball got a little more sexy… Apparently Gawker has photos (originally posted to Facebook) of Krystal Ball sucking a dildo off a man’s nose. That man was (apparently at the time) her husband. (NB: Nice Christmas party by the way… Your Maximum Leader never gets invited to the sexy Christmas parties.)

Now, if your Maximum Leader were a little more like his friend Skippy, this would be a game changer. Really, how often do photos of your prospective Congressman/woman turn up showing them performing oral sex on a dildo? Not often is your Maximum Leader’s answer. Not often enough would surely be Skippy’s answer. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t ever considered skill at fellatio a criteria for voting for (or against) anyone for Congress. Hasn’t crossed his mind, until now that is.

Your Maximum Leader is confident that these photos will not change his vote, but the race did get a bunch more interesting. Interesting if you like to know how well your candidate gives blow jobs. Just saying…

Thanks to FLG for pointing this out to your Maximum Leader.

Carry on.

3 Comments »
Kevin Kim said:

Headline: “Krystal Balls Dildo”

(Ewoks dance in celebration)



Oy. That should have come to me. I toyed with calling this post something like “Krystal’s balls & dildos” but I didn’t see any balls in the photo.



Wouldn’t it be nice to know that a member of Congress is good at something? Wouldn’t that be a fantastic change? Sure, it would be nice if it was something other than fellatio, but if that’s all that’s on the table, I’ll gladly take it. These are, after all, desperate times.



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