Amateur!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was surfing some Yahoo content and found this short film. The film entitled “Sushi Challenge” is embedded below for your viewing pleasure.

So, this guy was able to attain “Sushi Glory” at the “Yummy Palace” in New York City by eating 52 pieces of sushi in 20 minutes.

Your Maximum Leader laughs at his supposed prowess. One has not experienced true white-boy sushi eating puissance until one has gone a-sushi eating with your Maximum Leader. Indeed, your Maximum Leader has a little story on this subject…

So… Many moons ago when your Maximum Leader and his friend the Smallholder were recently graduated from college and living in Northern Virginia, we would meet on Thursday or Friday afternoons to share a meal and a few drinks. Eventually, we settled on this little Japanese place in Springfield, Virginia where they had a sushi special every Thursday and Friday afternoon/evening. The special was “all-you-can-eat” sushi for $25 per person from 4:30 pm to 7:30 pm.

Your Maximum Leader and the Smallholder would show up at the Japanese Restaurant around 4:28 pm on either Thurday or Friday. (We couldn’t afford to do both nights. Although, if we had the money we would have been there twice a week.) At 4:30 we would place the first sushi order. At 4:31 we would place the first sake order. We would fill out the little cards and hand them to the grandmatronly Japanese waitress to take to the sushi chef. She would scoff at us and tell us that you couldn’t order more than 10 pieces at a time. We would adjust (downward) our little cards and wait for the sushi.

While our first order was being prepared, we would get our next order ready. When our first order was brought to the table, we would politely hand her our cards for the next ten pieces… After about 20-30 pieces each we would have to freshen up the sake. (Which, unfortunately, was not all-you-can-drink.)

And so it would go. For three straight hours we would order our sushi. 10 pieces at a time. One right after the other. All the while the elderly Japanese woman would give us the evil eye and curse at us under her breath. She probably was replused by our white-boy western gluttony.

This went on for nearly the whole summer. Every Thursday or Friday it was the same. Smallholder and your Maximum Leader chowing down on the sushi…

Then one day your Maximum Leader and the Smallholder arrived at the appointed hour and were shown to a table. The grandmatronly waitress beamed as she came up to our table. But she wasn’t happy to see us. She looked us up and down then proceeded to light into us. “No more sushi! No more all you want sushi! You! You ruin it for everybody! Can’t do so much sushi! You eat like pigs! Too much! No more! Pay for everything now!”

Your Maximum Leader and the Smallholder were crestfallen. A quick calculation showed that if we continued at our regular pace that we would each average a sushi bill well over $150 each (not including the sake). Knowing we were beaten, we ordered our 10 pieces. We ordered our sake. We ate sparingly. Paid our bill and left.

Your Maximum Leader and the Smallholder can still put away the sushi. Although we don’t get many opportunities to test our powers. Perhaps your Maximum Leader will find his way to the Yummy Palace in New York City. And he will take the 52 piece in 20 minutes challenge. But he will not need 20 minutes to finish off the 52 pieces…

Carry on.

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