40 Signs and ruffling feathers.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is feeling a little under the weather. (Excursus: Your Maximum Leader was just listening to a podcast about idiomatic expressions and “under the weather” was mentioned as a phrase that causes foreigners - especially Asians - much grief to learn.) He was self-medicated and asleep by 8:30 last night. Tonight might be a repeat…

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader was reading over a number of the blogs on his sidebar and a few thoughts came to him…

First off, a few items from our friend FLG at Fear & Loathing in Georgetown. In this post FLG recommends that your Maximum Leader invest some money in the Vice Fund. Your Maximum Leader wasn’t sure, but he thought that he had put some money in the Vice Fund. A quick call to his financial advisor confirmed that there was indeed some money in the Vice Fund. So there… That is good to know…

Next up, It seems your Maximum Leader has ruffled FLG’s feathers… FLG is a little disappointed in the fact that his blog had to labor its way up to the Legion of Villainy, but Rooked just magically appeared there. What can your Maximum Leader say? There is injustice in the world… That and Rooked has all those lovely photos of the pretty girls…

(NB to FLG: Your Maximum Leader will buy you a drink to soothe the injustice of it all sometime soon. If he had had your number he would have asked you to join him at the Tombs on Saturday night…)

In other news…

Your Maximum Leader has decided it is time to update a list he’s kept for quite a while… Here are the first updates since 2005…

40 Signs of the Mike World Order.
(In no particular order)

1. Your Maximum Leader’s profile on all the coins.
2. A huge democratically elected multi-cameral parliament that meets continually, debates endlessly, accomplishes nothing.
3. Identity papers.
4. Show trials. (With free admission!)
5. A “tattoo” tax. You get the first small (under 3″x3″) tattoo for free. All others taxed at exhorbitant rates. No exclusions for “cultural heritage” tattoos. O.J. retried, found guilty, and stoned to death.
6. All traces of Michael Jackson removed from the face of the Earth. (Yes, even “Thriller.”)
7. Saint Elvis.
8. The dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt becomes new model for Statue of Liberty.
9. Statue of “Liberty” renamed Statue of “Conformity to the Mike World Order.”
10. Special lanes on all highways for the exclusive use of “Friends Of Mike”
11. Beer for the People!
12. Distilled spirits for the elites!
13. Huge monthly military parades, for no particular reason.
14. Free digital cable for the People!
15. At least 5 quality programs on digital cable at any given time.
16. MLNN, the Maximum Leader News Network.
17. Ted Turner dragged out and shot, just for fun.
18. Public executions. (With free admission!)
19. Did I just say “Beer for the People?” I meant to say “FREE high-quality Beer for the People!”
20. Permits required before people can wear spandex in public.
21. One radio station broadcasting all Richard Wagner, all the time.
22. One radio station broadcasting all Elvis, all the time.
23. Lindsay Lohan v. Britney Spears Hillary Duff - to the death!
24. “No Blood, No Foul” rule introduced to the NBA to make games more interesting.
25. No hockey teams in places that do not naturally get snow during the winter.
26. Bud Selig dragged out and shot for crimes against baseball.
27. New TV show: Pundit Deathmatch! Reigning champion - Ann Coulter!
28. Barbara Striesand being forced to clean the Big Hominid’s bathroom, with her tounge.
29. Permits required of couples before breeding.
30. Honest labeling of organic products.
31. Photos of topless women on Page 3 of every reputable newspaper.
32. (For the ladies!) Photos of hunky guys on Page 5 of every reputable newspaper.
33. Music and Art appreciation taught in all grades at all schools. (RCBfA guidelines to be determined later.)
34. No one over the age of 50 allowed on “Dancing with the Stars.” Sorry Cloris, your Maximum Leader would rather see more chicks like Shannon Elizabeth or Stacy Keibler. One cable channel broadcasting the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt all the time.
35. The new MS-Windows OS will be both intuitive and functional.
36. School children taught the poetry of the Big Hominid in 10th grade.
37. Bill and Hillary forced to live together and like it.
38. Shame and humiliation restored to civil society, through liberal use of (and strategic placement of) stocks and pillorys.
39. People allowed to drive as fast as they want on toll roads. (You’re paying for it afterall.)
40. Perpetual happiness for the masses under the benevolent rule of an enlighted Maximum Leader.
(Verision 1.5, November 2008)

There you have it…

Carry on.

3 Comments »
CS Perry said:

Where do I sign up to get my truncheon and jack boots?



Fear and Loathing in Georgetown said:

May I suggest mounting cannons on America’s Cup vessels?

If I had my druthers there would also be boarding parties with those big pugel sticks who jump onto the other boat and try to knock their opponents into the water or defend their team from said opponents.



Polymath said:

Late to the party - In addition to special auto lanes for FOM types, may I suggest car washes featuring bikini-clad (or unclad) Jessica Simpson clones?



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