Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is pleased to announce that he and his ministers have agreed to join the once-weekly “Mens Club/Demystifying Divas” posting clique. We are all men. We all have opinions. And in the end, there is a certain amount of link-whoring that we do not put ourselves above.

Your Maximum Leader has taken it upon himself to write the first of the weekly updates to appear on NakedVillainy.com.

This week’s subject: Jewelry.

Allow your Maximum Leader to first define a term. In his mind, jewelry is ornamental. It serves no practical function, beyond that of ornamenting the human form. Jewelry can be precious or cheap. It can be hand-crafted or mass-produced. It can be classy and refined or ostentatious bling-bling.

(Excursus: NakedVillainy is, in case you’ve forgotten, a bling-bling free zone. Save only for your Maximum Leader’s bejeweled floppy hat.)

The only two forms of irregular jewelry enter your Maximum Leader’s mind. The first is the watch. Now most watches fall more into the “practical” and not “ornamental” column. However all one has to do to find the irregular case demonstrated would be to visit the website of those superb Swiss Chronometer makers, Rolex. Look at a Cellini Orchid or an Oyster Perpetual Lady DateJust Pearlmaster and you will see how the functional crosses over into the form of jewelry.

The second is jewelry denoting rank or station. Falling into this category would be the Crown Jewels of Britain, medals denoting military service or awards, and - of course - your Maximum Leader’s bejeweled floppy hat.

So, excluding watches, allow your Maximum Leader to discourse on jewelry…

First he will pick the low hanging fruit, the list of acceptable jewelry for men. It is a short list indeed. Here it is:

High school class ring. It is acceptable for one year - that being senior year of high school. It is acceptable to wear this ring on the ring finger of either hand. The most acceptable place to wear this ring is not on the man at all; but rather dangling on a cheap chain in the cleavage of your “one-true-love-until-I-get-to-bang-a-chick-in-college” girlfriend. Wearing a high school class ring beyond high school is a sure sign that the ring’s only purpose is that of liquid asset. This is to say, it is worn until it is needed to be pawned to put a new muffler on the General Lee or finance a threesome with Mexican whores in Tijuana.

College class ring. It is acceptable to wear for up to 3 years. Those years being your senior year of college and two years thereafter. As you might imagine, this ring is also best worn on an inexpensive chain dangling in a woman’s cleavage. But, this ring can also be worn for a time after one’s graduation as an outward sign that you are both college degreed and from a family wealthy enough to afford a useless trinket that will eventually gather dust in a tray in the first drawer of your dresser for decades only to be discovered upon your death by one of your grandchildren ** who will bestow upon i the status of family heirloom. Whereupon it will be removed from the tray in the first dresser drawer and either put in a safe deposit box in a bank or in a shadow box in a sitting room next to the pocket watch that Great-great Grandpa Earnest bought in St. Louis before going on to Dodge City to be gunned down by Wyatt Earp in a dispute over a hand at poker.

** - should you be o.s.p. the ring will be found by a social worker and pawned for a muffler job on a dilapidated Toyota Camry or a threesome with Mexican whores in Tijuana.

The small pinky ring. Acceptable only if one is of Italian or Greek heritage.

The simple gold/silver/platinum/white gold bracelet. This is generally only acceptable if the wearer is among the highest socio-economic class; or a tennis player.

And lastly…

The Wedding Band. Acceptable for all.

Generally your Maximum Leader believes that two rings on a man are excessive. He’s not actually known any man to be able to pull it off and still look refined. But he does not doubt the possibility that such a man (however mythic) might exist.

Of course, one might wonder what to think of rappers, rock stars, and athletes who sport necklaces, rings, bracelets, and gold teeth. Jewelry in this context is male bling-bling. And it is nothing more than an ostentatious show of newly found wealth. Wealth that will be gone in an instant, like the wearers fame. And then the bling-bling will become another liquid asset. (See: High School rings)

Now… On to women…

As the Foreign Minister has always said, “Diamonds and Distance are a girl’s best friends.” (NB: Think about it… Very true is it not?) Why is this pithy statement a truism? Well frankly it is a statement about our modern western consumerist/objectifying society.

Let us briefly retrace the history of jewelry and women. Thru the Paleolithic and Neolithic eras ornamental jewelry for women didn’t exist. Women were too busy surviving to worry about how they looked. Moving through the mists of time we get the first women’s jewelry to really mean something. That is the jewelry of ancient Egypt.

In ancient Egypt, the Pharaoh - for political reasons - had to have many wives. Now, as most of his wives wouldn’t resemble in the least Anck Su Namun (played by Patricia Velasquez in The Mummy), Pharaoh had to bedeck these women with gems set in precious metals to bedazzle onlookers. If the reflected light from the necklaces, bracelets, rings, head-dresses, anklets, and belts could blind an onlooker in the bright Egyptian sun it was unlikely that any peasant/priest/passerby would say to himself, “You know the Pharaoh’s wife is ugly.” Instead the peasant/priest/passerby would say to himself, “Daymn! Pharaoh’s wife has a lotta bling goin’ on. She must really be somethin’, if you know what I mean. (Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge.)”

So for centuries jewelry was the province of the nobility. By the beginning of the middle ages in Europe, jewelry passed from being a way to “dress up” the Queen/Princess/Duchess/Countess/Lady to a symbol of her station - and an outward show of how much she was worth in the eyes of the King/Prince/Duke/Count/Lord. This is because jewelry was part of a dowry. The more important the woman the more jewelry in the dowry.

Over time peasants/merchants/non-noble types started to take notice of jewelry. They noted that the giving of jewelry by a man to a woman could warm an icy relationship, fan the flames of passion, and get a woman to think twice about a cad she would otherwise dismiss out of hand.

With the coming of the early industrial period, and the creation of disposable capital, came the mass distribution of jewelry. Men (and children) forced off the land by the enclosure movement moved to the cities. Somewere forced out of the cities by a lack of jobs to various colonies. There, in the colonies, they forced the indigenous populations to stop their primitive ways and participate in the economy. Under the keen eye of budding capitalists, they dug precious metals and stones out of the earth. With powerful machines they extracted more stones and metals than ever before. The increasing supply of precious metal and stones dropped the price of said materials to a point where women suddenly realized that if a man would forego food, water, and shelter for six months; he could buy a diamond.

And thus the diamond’s glitter caught the eye of middle and lower class women alike. They gave up the promise before God of eternal submission as the outward sign of a man’s affection and started to demand bling-bling.

Men, as you can imagine, were conditioned by women (and marketing directors at DeBeers) to believe that diamonds were an essential step towards proving their love and commitment to a woman before marrying her. Some men even likened the gift of a diamond ring to their betrothed as a down payment for a lifetime of hot sex.

Well, if the diamond ring was a down payment for a lifetime of hot sex; then the follow-on bracelets, earrings, necklaces, anklets, chains, rings, broaches, pins, and loose precious stones are the installment payments.

Installment payments normally come due at certain milestone events, like wedding anniversaries divisible by 5. The birth of children is another installment event. But sometimes just when an installment is due may be unpredictable. A payment may be demanded (or more likely insinuated) after a rough patch, or the purchase of a large screen TV on which to watch football. And sometimes the installment is needed for no particular reason.

So, jewelry for women has played many roles in history. The role of bedazzler, the role of status signifier, and the role of shiny gift exchanged for sex.

Of course, men know that any woman who would put up with them is worth every piece of jewelry she might want/need/ask for. And men also know that any woman who would pledge to spend their lives with us is beautiful without any jewelry on at all.

For other manly views check out Phin and Puffy. Your Maximum Leader is informed that The Wizard will discourse on this topic later this week.

And to read about jewelry from the girl’s side of topic check out Sadie, Silk, Kathy, and Feisty, and Phoenix, they have penned their thoughts for all to read.

Carry on.

Looking through recent posts, I’ve noticed a lack of discussion on Star Wars. So here I go, relating Star Wars, George Bush, and … shudder… The Frenc. OK, so I’m not going to do it myself. I’ve just forwarded what my father E-mailed me. I don’t know the source. Still an interesting read.

Cannes ‘Star Wars’ Premiere Sparks Debate

Sunday, May 15, 2005

CANNES, France Without Michael Moore and “Fahrenheit 9/11″ at the Cannes Film Festival this time, it was left to George Lucas and “Star Wars” to pique European ire over the state of world relations and the United States’ role in it.

Lucas’ themes of democracy on the skids and a ruler preaching war to preserve the peace predate “Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith” by almost 30 years. Yet viewers Sunday and Lucas himself noted similarities between the final chapter of his sci-fi saga and our own troubled times.

Cannes audiences made blunt comparisons between “Revenge of the Sith (search)” the story of Anakin Skywalker’s fall to the dark side and the rise of an emperor through warmongering to President Bush’s war on terrorism and the invasion of Iraq.

Two lines from the movie especially resonated:

“This is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause,” bemoans Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) as the galactic Senate cheers dictator-in-waiting Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) while he announces a crusade against the Jedi.

“If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy,” Hayden Christensen’s Anakin soon to become villain Darth Vader tells former mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor). The line echoes Bush’s international ultimatum after the Sept. 11 attacks, “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.”

“That quote is almost a perfect citation of Bush,” said Liam Engle, a 23-year-old French-American aspiring filmmaker. “Plus, you’ve got a politician trying to increase his power to wage a phony war.”

Though the plot was written years ago, “the anti-Bush diatribe is clearly there,” Engle said.

The film opens Wednesday in parts of Europe and Thursday in the United States and many other countries. At the Cannes premiere Sunday night, actors in white stormtrooper costumes paraded up and down the red carpet as guests strolled in, while an orchestra played the “Star Wars” theme.

Lucas said he patterned his story after historical transformations from freedom to fascism, never figuring when he started his prequel trilogy in the late 1990s that current events might parallel his space fantasy.

“As you go through history, I didn’t think it was going to get quite this close. So it’s just one of those recurring things,” Lucas said at a Cannes news conference. “I hope this doesn’t come true in our country.

“Maybe the film will waken people to the situation,” Lucas joked.

That comment echoes Moore’s rhetoric at Cannes last year, when his anti-Bush documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11″ won the festival’s top honor.

Unlike Moore, whose Cannes visit came off like an anybody-but-Bush campaign stop, Lucas never mentioned the president by name but was eager to speak his mind on U.S. policy in Iraq, careful again to note that he created the story long before the Bush-led occupation there.

“When I wrote it, Iraq didn’t exist,” Lucas said, laughing.

“We were just funding Saddam Hussein and giving him weapons of mass destruction. We didn’t think of him as an enemy at that time. We were going after Iran and using him as our surrogate, just as we were doing in Vietnam. … The parallels between what we did in Vietnam and what we’re doing in Iraq now are unbelievable.”

The prequel trilogy is based on a back-story outline Lucas created in the mid-1970s for the original three “Star Wars” movies, so the themes percolated out of the Vietnam War and the Nixon-Watergate era, he said.

Lucas began researching how democracies can turn into dictatorships with full consent of the electorate.

In ancient Rome, “why did the senate after killing Caesar turn around and give the government to his nephew?” Lucas said. “Why did France after they got rid of the king and that whole system turn around and give it to Napoleon? It’s the same thing with Germany and Hitler.

“You sort of see these recurring themes where a democracy turns itself nto a dictatorship, and it always seems to happen kind of in the same way, with the same kinds of issues, and threats from the outside, needing more control. A democratic body, a senate, not being able to function properly because everybody’s squabbling, there’s corruption.”

There’s so much wrong with this, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. One conclusion I draw from this article is that not only can Lucas not write believable dialogue to save his life, but he’s also absolutely clueless about a great many things.

But who knows. Maybe, along side Michael Moore, we’re seeing the next Jerry Lewis.

And, yes, I already have my tickets to EP-III.

Oh come on M of P! No comment on the lions?

****Edt*****

I just spent a good 35 minutes crafting a great witty and thought provoking response but I decided to delete it and move on.

Now I know some of our readers just love these internal laundry airing episodes among the ministers here, but it can become a little too draining and emotional at least on this Minister.
Adding to that is the fact that there is little chance of actually persuading the M of P over to my side of the Aisle (or vice versa). Aint’ going to happen.

Plus, the more that this wears on, the less we remember that the other person in the debate is a human being too, and that they have arrived at their current political philosophy via their own life experience that are meainingful and real to to them.

The M of P is a great guy, as a few Liberals tend to be, so I don’t want to fan any of the flames that may inhibit us drinking out of a boot when we get together at Jackfest in July.

Speaking of which, everyone kind of glossed over my suggestion that you bring Sadie as your bouncer/governess/date. Anything come of this?

Back to the trenches

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was catching up on missed Skippy posts and saw a quiz. He took it. Results follow:

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you re not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 63% Existentialist 56% Idealist 56% Romanticist 56% Modernist 19% Fundamentalist 13% Materialist 13% Postmodernist 13% What is Your World View? (corrected…hopefully) created with QuizFarm.com

Carry on.

In his post about Newsweek and Guantanamo Bay, the Foreign Minister wrote:

I mean, I know that the left benefits from making Iraq look bad but, honestly, do you have to make stuff up?

The Foreign Minister attempted to tie the inaccurate story about Gauntanamo Bay to Iraq first, so my linking the Abu Graib prisoner abuses — which are, incidentally, not made up — is just following his lead.

Additionally, the information in my other links is certainly more accurate than what the Foreign Minister’s ranting would suggest. He doesn’t like my sources, but he doesn’t want to say anything about the issues, either.

Propaganda? Here’s the link again for coalition casualties in Iraq.

In his defense, the Cambodian link was both sick and funny. That’s the kind of foreign affairs stories I look forward to from our Foreign Minister. I hope he keeps up the good work.

Believe.

I am not making this up. I am surprised that the ML didn’t post this sooner

Its from the BBC no less.

back to the trenches

Ok
I know your job is the Propaganda Minister, but could you actually read the links I post instead of skimming them for what you want to get out of them?
Here is the quote of the link you reposted

Editor Mark Whitaker said the magazine inaccurately reported that U.S. military investigators had confirmed that personnel at the detention facility in Cuba had flushed the Muslim holy book down the toilet.

The editor ****inaccurately reported****!!!! No US investigator ever confirmed that the Koran had been flushed! THAT IS THE INACCURATE PART!

Hey Geography boy! This story is relating to Guantanamo Bay IN CUBA. NOT Abu Ghraib. RTFP!
thats- read the fucking post.

Are you saying the Right needs lessons from the Left in responsible Blogging?

Dude, if you are serious with your accusations about over the top right wing blogs and news sources, please don’t back up your claims with posts from Salon, Truthout, and Daily Kos!

You are better than that, i know you are.

back to the trenches

According to the Foreign Minister’s own link, Newsweek got the story from a government source and then checked the story with the Pentagon, which did not refute the allegations until after the story was published. Based on the fact that the Pentagon last year had to investigate the possiblity that guards at Abu Ghraib (not Guantanamo Bay, granted, but the Foreign Minister seems to be having a little problem with the geography himself) were sticking broomsticks up detainee’s asses, I can understand why the Koran-flushing story sounded credible to Newsweek.

Now the White House wants as retraction from Newsweek, and the conservative blogosphere is all up in arms. Let me remind everyone that we’re talking about an administration that intentionally manipulated intelligence to manufacture an acceptible reason for a pre-determined war. Furthermore, this administration is guilty of consistent and wide-ranging press manipulation that indicates an intentional disregard for open government and political dissent. Did everyone just forget about the credentialing of online male prostitute Jeff Gannon? Or the leaking of Ms. Plame’s CIA identity? The White House wants to hold the moral high ground because the Newsweek story caused riots in Afghanistan? How about a war where the U.S. fatalities total 1,622 and are still rising? If Bush gets a retraction, I want a goddamn impeachment.

Yes, I would like for news organizations to always get the story right. An open, free and accurate press is a cornerstone of representative democracy. But the hypocrisy of this administration and the people who support them — particularly in the conservative blogosphere — is unfuckingbelievable.

Bush: worst president ever.

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has wanted to comment on so much today. But he has been innundated with spam. It seems a Grman-language spammer has discovered the nakedvillainy domain and decided to try just about every possible name immaginable in front of the - at - sign to send a message to.

So far since last night around 1:35am your Maximum Leader has received over 18,000 e-mailed messages.

Yes, that number is correct. Eighteen Thousand.

Up to this point your Maximum Leader had designated one of the addresses on the nakedvillainy domain as a “catch all” account. So, if someone couldn’t remember to send a message to “maximumleader” - at - nakedvillainy - dot - com it would still wind up getting to your Maximum Leader. Well, that catch all account forwarded ever trial spam balloon to is regular e-mail account.

It also took your Maximum Leader about 3 hours to remember he had a “catch all” account and turn it off.

So, if on the off chance you sent your Maximum Leader an e-mail in the past 24 hours, it is likely that he hasn’t found it or read it. He is actually reviewing the sender/subject lines of all the e-mails to avoid deleting messages he might want to read. But it might take him a while.

Just looked at e-mail account again. Overlooked a few messages… Spam count approached 20,000 messages before pipe was closed. (19,416 to be exact. Ick.)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was very pleased to read about todays Supreme Court Ruling in which the high court struck down various state bans prohibiting direct to out-of-state-consumer wine sales.

Your Maximum Leader has followed this case for many years in fact. You may be saying, “Sure you have. Gone ’round the bend too lately?” Well actually, he’s been following this case because Juanita Swedenburg is a client of the Institute for Justice. And your Maximum Leader has made it a point to give some of his disposable income to the IOJ for a number of years now. It is very exciting to see what a motivated band of “merry litigators” can do to protect individual liberties and Constitutional protections.

To celebrate, your Maximum Leader might just order some wine from some New York or California vintners he’s had in the past.

They will taste just a bit sweeter… Even though your Maximum Leader prefers his wine on the dry side. (And even a bit acidic.)

Carry on.

What the hell were they thinking?
Newsweek is now admitting that the may have “got the story wrong” about the Koran being flushed down the toilet to traumatize the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.

“We regret that we got any part of our story wrong, and extend our sympathies to victims of the violence and to the U.S. soldiers caught in its midst”

Hasn’t the unbiased press learned ANYTHING in the last 12 months??? From bogus fitness reports on the President to Reports pretending to being “at the front” doesn’t anyone check their sources anymore?

I mean, I know that the left benefits from making Iraq look bad but, honestly, do you have to make stuff up?

Geeeshhhh

Back to the Trenches

Breathing a sigh of relief, I see that the effort to ban suggestive cheerleading routines in Texas has stalled. Apparently the Texas Senate Education Committee has more pressing business. Go figure.

For more commentary on the topic, please click here.

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just finished Victor Davis Hanson’s latest on NRO. You really need to read it.

Victor Davis Hanson on World War II Revisionism on National Review Online

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Pope Benedict XVI has put John Paul II on the fast track to sainthood.

Whew! That is quick. Without trying to be disrepectful… The body is hardly cold in the ground.

Anyhow… There needs to be a miracle attributed to prayer for John Paul’s intercession before he can be beatified. Generally the miracle needed is one of a medical condition that is healed without doctors being able to explain the cure.

Your Maximum Leader will begin praying for the Smallholder to be less squishy and more conservative. If that miracle occurs, he will start working on the Minister of Propaganda…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader re-upped yesterday. Re-upped what you might ask? Re-upped his membership in the NRA. He’s now good for another 5 years. One of these days he’ll go and become a Life Member. But now is not the time.

Yes. Your Maximum Leader is a very proud NRA member. Indeed, your Maximum Leader believes that the NRA is one of just a handful of organizations that really care about the protection and expansion of individual liberty. It is a fine organization.

He celebrated this glorious event by going out to the range and blowing through a box of 9mm ammo. 9mm what you might ask? Well, your Maximum Leader owns a little 9mm Makarov pistol. Not a Chinese one. (Heaven forfend!) Not a Russian one either. (Although a Russian one would have been okay.) No. His is an East German model. Your Maximum Leader would be happy to photograph is pistol, but he forgot. So if you need some sort of visual aid, here you go.

Your Maximum Leader loves that little underpowered pistol. It is the only semi-automatic pistol he owns. It is likely going to be one of two semi-automatic pistols he owns. (The other being a nice Colt 1911 model. Which he will buy. Someday.)

When your Maximum Leader purchased his Makarov, it came in a box with lots of papers. He eventually found someone who read/spoke more than conversational German and discovered that his pistol had actually been issued to an East German Stasi officer. It was issued to him new in 1960-something and remained in his posession until his retirement in 1980-something. So the pistol has a little bit of (tolalitarian oppressive) history to it.

On the whole, your Maximum Leader is a revolver man. He owns a few. He owns a British Webley revolver from WWII. (38 cal - not .455.) He would like to acquire a .455 Webley at some point. He also owned a S&W .357 for a while. But eventually he sold it to a friend. His favourite revolver is his .45 Vaquero. Damn, does your Maximum Leader love that gun. It feels right in his hand. It looks good. It shoots wonderfully. It is easy to care for. It is everything you look for in a handgun.

Alas, the cylinder doesn’t seem to rotate as cleanly as it has for years. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t believe it is due to wear. He’s looked over the gun and can’t see anything wrong with it. So, he is going to pack it up and send it up to the good people at Ruger to take a look at it. Your Maximum Leader, while competent at basic gun care, is not a gunsmith. So he doesn’t care to go screwing around with his guns and possibly do something stupid to mess it up or render it unsafe.

Anyway… The trip to the range was fun. It felt good to shoot up the paper targets and smell a little powder in the air. But the outing did demonstrate to your Maximum Leader that he needs to go to the range more often. He wasn’t as good a shot as he once was. Practice is needed. Perhaps your Maximum Leader will resolve to go to the range regularly. (Since he does it very irregularly now.) It would be a good thing to do.

Carry on.