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MaxLdr re: BigHo

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader warns you all do no let him near farm animals… Before the Big Hominid left for Korea he called your Maximum Leader and asked for a favour. Of course, he is your Maximum Leader’s dear friend; so the favour was granted. Little did your Maximum Leader know that the favour was to borrow a division of dwarves to come to the Hominid’s Hovel and destroy the army of mutant farm animals that had spawned from the Hominid’s bowels! Your Maximum Leader was horrified. It was worst than anything one could imagine on the island of Dr. Moreau. It was even more horrifying than that one episode of the Simpsons when Dr. Hibbert had an island…

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Carry on.

BigHo re: BigHo

Luckily for everyone’s farm animals, I’m not currently on a schedule (have been off my weekly schedule since I moved), and probably won’t return to scheduled blogging until I’ve got DSL service from my domicile, wherever that might be eventually. So post at will, fellow minions!

(I wouldn’t mind getting to know some of the Smallholder’s cows better, though. Cows have really long tongues. Mmmmmm.)


Warning to Smallholder RE: BigHo

Be careful diverging from the weekly categories. He gets downright nasty. He’s been known to kick little old women in the knee, take candy from babies, and drop kick cute puppies as retaliation for those who post on the wrong day.

Better lock up your farm animals if you decide to do this.

The Charge of the Ronin

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader likes Frank J.’s stuff. He instructs you to go and read The Charge of the Ronin. It made your Maximum Leader’s day.

Carry on.


Has anyone noticed that the Big Hominid has been a bit less prolific (or even profligate?) lately? He might claim that he is in the middle of a move and a job search, but methinks that he is simply building up to a megapost for his 1,000th blog entry. He is currently on post 992.

I’m sure he has a scarily philosophical, scatological, meditative, and even demented cartoon epic up his sleave to celebrate post 1000.

Little does he know that I’ll be lurking in the shadows, ready to post an insipid and inane single sentence. The sentence will have nothing to do with his vaunted posting regimin. In fact, it won’t fit into his daily categories at all. Perhaps something about Vitus Bering.


Uh-oh. Maybe Mike Won’t Like Me Anymore

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Somthing about this Smallholder post is causing site problems. So alas, your Maximum Leader felt he had to delete the content. Let it suffice to say that the Minister of Agriculture took the Polygeek test and scored only 25% geek. Your Maximum Leader also took it, and scored 30% geek. If you, my minions, would like to take the test, the URL remains below.

Carry on.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at

Battle Hymn of the Republic

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has always been a great admirer of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. Your Maximum Leader suggests you read over those lyrics and think about them. Strong stong words.

Carry on.

David Frum on NRO

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader agrees with David Frum’s assessment of letting Bill Clinton speak at Reagan’s funeral. If Clinton wants to speak, your Maximum Leader thinks he should be allowed to. Alas, his speech would likely be the most moving, as he is the best speaker among our living ex-Presidents (and frankly, our President). If you want to read Frum’s assessment: David Frum’s Diary on National Review Online

Carry on.

Love Match for the Minister of Propaganda?

Idly clicking on our villainous profiles, I discovered that you can click on interests to see if anyone else has them in their profiles. Kind of neat.

First off, why am I the only one in the blogosphere who has “Mad Dog and Glory” in profile. You are all a bunch of philistines.

Secondly, I came across an interesting fact; all but one of the bloggers who like “Big Trouble in Little China” are men. Go figure. But one cool chick does list the Rob and I’s movie: Jess of The Lunchbox Assassin. And then I notice that she lives in Hollywood. The yentl in me is working overtime.

I just did a quick scan of her blog. She’s got some talent, has a theatre background, and, as an added bonus, throws in a visual reference to Lumbergh.

Heh. Go read, minions.

Update from your Maximum Leader: The Minister of Propaganda and the Foreign Minister really ought to complete their profiles… Hint. Hint.

Moe Reagan.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was blubbering like a woman yesterday evening. He sat in the Villainschloss watching his TV and was fine. Until Cheney’s speech. Why the hell did your Maximum Leader lose it during Cheney’s speech? How the hell can your Maximum Leader be moved to tears by Dick Cheney? Then when Mrs. Reagan patted the coffin, your Maximum Leader cried some more.

All your Maximum Leader can say is that President Bush’s speech is going to have to be damn good to beat Cheney’s.

Around 10:30 last night, Mrs. Villain asked your Maximum Leader how much longer he was going to watch C-Span’s coverage of people passing by Reagan’s coffin? His reply, when they stop broadcasting it.

Your Maximum Leader got more teary eyed when Margaret Thatcher came in to pay her respects to Reagan.

Does all this crying mean that your Maximum Leader has suddenly gotten in touch with his nurturing side? Churchill cried alot too, and he was no wussy…

Your Maximum Leader is going to leave a very pregnant Mrs. Villain and take his wounded leg (bad calf tear) and go to the Capitol this afternoon.

He only hopes he doesn’t cry.

Carry on.

Rachel Hunter, Aussie Tory?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, while never having had a “thing” for redheads; he does have a weakness for like-minded women. So when he read this he was intrigued. A redhead Aussie supermodel who seems to share some of your Maximum Leader’s political views! Grrr baby! Very grrr! (Too bad she can’t vote.)

Carry on.

Bidding you welcome…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to visit the many new visitors who appear to be coming this site over the past few days. Your Maximum Leader is not sure if this is a factor of both your Maximum Leader and his Minister of Agriculture have been featured in posts recently by our favourite, Keith Burgess-Jackson. Did your Maximum Leader mention how much in awe of Dr. Burgess-Jackson he is? This man posts regularly to three blogs! Three! Stop the insanity.

Of course, you could be visiting because a number of sites have linked to your Maximum Leader’s recounting of his one minute with Ronald Reagan. (Thanks for reading it, but excuse the bad grammar in the title. Your Maximum Leader was going to fix it, but discovered that it was already linked on other sites, and changing the title would mess up the link.)

Anyway… Like Dracula, your Maximum Leader bids you welcome to his internet home. All he needs now is the sounds of the children of the night…

Carry on.

This Is When Being Organic Bites

This is what I am dealing with in my tomato and pepper plantings.

Seeds can lay dormant for sixty years. Roots twenty feet down.


Hand control.

Every day - the stuff grows at least six inches a day.


Mulching like a fiend.


I know something the foreign minister can do when he gets back to the states.

Why lord? Why?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hurt himself this morning. He did. Hurt himself really badly. You see, your Maximum Leader was sipping very hot tea when it happened. (Pride of the Port to be precise.) He was sipping this hot tea and was reading this. Then the tea spewed from his throat, through his nose (scalding his delicate nasal membranes) and onto his bare chest. The hot tea and mucus combined to make a sickly paste that got stuck in his chest hair. This required a shower. A long hot shower. A looooonnnggg HOT shower.

Thanks Anna. You’re the best.

Carry on.

Movie Studio President…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was entertaining the Villainettes this evening by explaining to them one of his favourite throw-away lines from a comedy film. The film was a Bill Murray/Dan Aykroyd masterpiece Ghostbusters. The line was: “Stop! Listen! Do you smell something?” Your Maximum Leader remembers laughing in the cinema at that one. The humour was lost on Villainette #2, but Villainette #1 (upon reflection) got it and thought it was “Silly funny maybe.”

Well… That little dinner-table activity got our Maximum Leader to think what he would do to “Ghostbusters” if he could. CGI. Great special effects. Your Maximum Leader would out-do Lucas. (Lucas… George Lucas… He added all that CGI to the first three movies and re-released them… Remember?)

Yes… When the MWO comes your Maximum Leader will call the Minister of Propaganda to the Villainschloss and order “Ghostbusters” be re-worked to include lots more and much better special effects. Other film projects of the MWO…

Remake Cleopatra. Only instead of Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. It would star Jennifer Love Hewitt and your Maximum Leader. And your Maximum Leader figures a budget of about $1,000,000,000 should be enough to shoot the movie as it was meant to be shot.

An epic based on the life of Sir Francis Dashwood. What!?!?! You’ve never heard of Sir Francis Dashwood. My… You have been very loosely educated. Your Maximum Leader will help you out. Click through here to read a quick biography. Sir Francis Dashwood figured promenently in your Maximum Leader’s senior thesis at college. And Sir Francis has ever since held a special place in your Maximum Leader’s small cold heart since then. How can you not like a man described as having the “staying power of a stallion and the impetuosity of a bull?” Really now… Those words could just have well been spoken about your Maximum Leader… But! Yes, a Francis Dashwood movie would definately be in the offing. Can’t think of the casting right now. But shall we say the various young women shall be quite delicious.

Your Maximum Leader would like to remake Gigli. Only instead of it taking place in the year 2000 it takes place in 1985. And instead of the Jennifer Lopez being a lesbian, she should be hetero. And instead of Ben Affleck being a sorta slow lowly thug named Larry, he should be a high ranking member of an Italian crime family named Charley. And he should be involved with the Don’s daughter, and then start to fall for Jennifer Lopez’s character, who should be Polish and not Puerto Rican. And they shouldn’t be thrown together on a kidnapping, but they should be thrown together because they are both hit-men. And frankly… The casting should be changed. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that Lopez and Affleck are right for the roles. You need real actors. Hummm… The more your Maximum Leader thinks about it the more he sees no reason to remake Gigli.

Remake Flash Gordon. Really. the 1980 version sucked. Bad acting. Bad special effects. Bad script. Bad plot. Okay score (and song! “Flash! Aaaaah!”) And they had so much character/story material to work with! For the MWO version you have to make some changes. First off, you need a good plot idea. Humm… How about Flash tries to save the universe from the evil Ming the Merciless and get the girl, the lovely Dale Arden. But in the end, Ming kills Flash and weds the lovely Dale Arden. The dialogue and script/story doctoring could be a collaboration between Quentin Tarantino and David Mamet. As far as casting goes… Flash could be Tom Cruise. Dale Arden could be Jennifer Love Hewitt. And your Maximum Leader could be Ming the Merciless.

Those are just a few of the movie projects of the MWO…

Carry on.

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