Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t been motivated to write much. To be honest, he’s been motivated to write something more thoughtful and meaty than the shit he’s been slapping up here recently.
But until that happens…
Bacon is a winner.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was going to write a polemic for President-Elect Obama for today. Alas, he started to write and didn’t like the tone he was going to take. So, he will rewrite and post later…
But you really ought to read Mrs P’s story in the comment section of the previous post. A taste:
I recall Squeeze being one of the mainstays of the music selections for the parties my best friend and I used to throw back in the Boston days. She had this terrific newly renovated condo in Back Bay - exposed brick walls hard wood floors and deck - very mid to late ’80’s. And you’ll especially appreciate this feature - it had been -before renovation- one of the first buildings the Boston Strangler had struck…
It just gets better from there.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader realizes that there is quite a bit of “bad news” being reported. Lots of stories about how to manage on less. What to do about your retirement. How to keep your job…
Finally, news you can use to keep your bar well-stocked in economic hard times. Inexpensive Bottles to Help Keep You Afloat.
Your Maximum Leader admits he’s been reducing his Scotch consumption to keep costs down. He’s been drinking more Bourbon. It is sweeter and makes your Maximum Leader feel patriotic…
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader remembers being told growing up that “Tang” was a “space age drink.” It was, afterall, developed for our astronauts. Tang. Velcro. Pens that write while inverted. All tangible commercial products brought to us by the research that went into putting a man on the moon.
Occasionally the unexpected outcome of science makes for a good commerical product. Take for example beer made from million year old yeast. From the Washington Post:
Raul Cano is the real-life “Jurassic Park” scientist. Yes, there is one.A day before that movie opened in 1993, Cano announced that he had extracted DNA from an ancient Lebanese weevil entombed in amber, just as the fictional employees of InGen do with a mosquito to create their dino-amusement park. One newspaper account said the “achievement” refuted “the long-held view of many biologists that DNA of so great an age” couldn’t be preserved.
But Cano was less interested in extinct reptiles than in Homo sapiens now roaming the earth. He next revivified ancient bacteria from the gut of an amber-encased bee and hoped to turn the strains into new antibiotics. That didn’t work, and Cano, who has a doctorate in medical mycology, put his 1,200-specimen organism collection on the back shelf and returned to more fruitful microbial endeavors, like assessment of petroleum-degrading diversity in sand dunes and the bioinformatics of Lactobacillus acidophilus.
And then, last month, a breakthrough.
The product?
Beer.
“I was going through my collection, going, ‘Gee whiz — this is pretty nifty. Maybe we could use it to make beer,’ ” says Cano, 63 , now the director of the Environmental Biotechnology Institute at California Polytechnic State University in San Luis Obispo.
The result is Fossil Fuels Brewing Co., which ferments a yeast strain Cano found in a piece of Burmese amber dating from about 25 million to 45 million years ago. The company — in which Cano is a partner, along with another scientist and a lawyer — introduced its pale ale and German wheat beer with a party last month at one of the two Bay Area pubs where Fossil Fuels is made and served.
Very cool. Your Maximum Leader has been trying to find some of this beer available for sale recently. To no avail yet. But he’ll keep trying.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is pretty damned pissed off now. (Any person of weak reading constitution or one easily put off by vulgarity ought to just skip th rest of this now.)
Allow him to explain.
Your Maximum Leader loves his ice cream. He is something of an ice cream snob. He wants lots of flavor. Creaminess. A good aroma (yes, ice cream has aroma). Good natural ingredients. There are a few brands that he likes and buys with regularity. Among those “premium” brands is Edy’s Ice Cream.
Since “premium” ice creams are a little pricey, your Maximum Leader (being a frugal fellow) buys a bunch of of half-gallons at a time when they are on sale. (A local grocery chain - Giant - often runs a 2-for-1 deal on Tuesdays.)
Now… Here comes the anger.
Your Maximum Leader goes through phases. Sometimes he eats lots of ice cream. Then he’ll go weeks (months) and never touch it. He has recently entered a phase where he finds himself eating more ice cream. He had a few half-gallon containers that were in the deep freeze from a recent sale. Yesterday he saw that Edy’s was on sale at Giant, so he went and bought a few more containers for the freezer. When he returned to the Villainschloss and put the ice cream into the freezer he noticed something…
The new containers seemed to be smaller than the old containers.
At first he thought it was some sort of visual trick becuase the colors of the container had changed. So he picked up the last of the “old containers” and put it side by side to a “new” container. The “new” container still seemed smaller.
Then he looked at the packaging to find out how much ice cream was in each one.
The “old” container - 1.75 quarts.
The “new container - 1.5 quarts.
What the hell is going on here? Your Maximum Leader just spent $4.00 for 3 quarts of ice cream. About a six weeks ago he spent $4.00 for 3.5 quarts of ice cream. What the fuck? First off… He thought he was buying a fucking half-gallon of ice cream in the first place. That is two (2, dos, deux, 1+1) quarts of ice cream. Your Maximum Leader is pretty damned put out in learning that he probably hasn’t been buying a true half gallon of ice cream for over a year. Now he’s learned that he is paying the same fucking price for 25% less ice cream. Frankly… He’s paying 2 quart prices for 1.5 quart containers.
He is pretty fucking upset right now. He doesn’t normally bandy about the f-word. But this is quite offensive. Your Maximum Leader understands market forces and how dairy prices have increased and that profit margins are tight. But he doesn’t think that screwing the customer out of a half-a-friggin quart of ice cream is going to make things better. Your Maximum Leader wouldn’t be complaining about Edy’s raising the price of a half-gallon of ice cream to cover their increased costs and need to make a profit. But holding the price steady and shrinking the size of the package to squeeze out a little cost savings seems damned underhanded. Your Maximum Leader knows milk costs money. He knows that sugar costs money. He knows vanilla costs money. He knows it costs more to ship ice cream to stores. He gets that. He would understand the cost of ice cream going up. But he doesn’t want to pay the same amount and get less (and probably have to buy more) just so the company can boast that they aren’t raising prices.
What did Edy’s (or Dreyer’s, or Nestle or whoever owns Edy’s) have to spend to retool equipment and redesign the packaging to camouflage this heinous change? How much of did they save on that? Damn this is angering.
Your Maximum Leader is seriously considering finding another ice cream to buy. He’ll have to try looking at the Turkey Hill stuff to see what they are doing now. (FYI - Your Maximum Leader doesn’t like Bryers. Its texture is too “grandular” on the tounge.)
Damned dirty ice cream makers… Going and fucking with your Maximum Leader’s ice cream. Now they’ve gone and ruined a perfectly good day with their tricks and deceptions…
Rat bastards…
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been meaning to comment on the comments he’s received about his Monarchy of Booze post. First off… Please recall the hierarchy:
King of Booze - scotch whisky
Queen of Booze - vodka
Crown Prince of Booze - Bourbon
Duke of Booze - Tennessee whisky
Earl(s) of Booze - Canadian whisky/Brandy
Marquise of Booze - Gin
Baron of Booze - Rum
Knights of Booze - Tequila
The rising middle class of Booze - wine
Serfs - of course peasants drink beer
Amendments/Additions/Ameliorations:
Dancing Dwarves of Booze - Sloe gin
Court Sluts of Booze - flavoured Brandies
Now… Allow your Maximum Leader to get a few things out in the open right now… First off… Bobgirrl grows more and more alluring with every comment she posts. She likes single malts, hockey, and - of course - bacon. If your Maximum Leader were single and living on the left coast (neither of which are in the cards) he would certainly see if he had what it takes to be Bobgirrl’s future ex-husband.
Secondly… Many commenters seem to imply (or is it that your Maximum Leader is inferring?) that your Maximum Leader doesn’t have what it takes to do vodka chilled and naked. Well… He polished off that bottle of vodka in his freezer by pulling out a shotglass and taking three shots in rapid succession to do in the damned thing. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t all that either. It is just too raw and medicinal. Even though your Maximum Leader sits in his Villainschloss typing this post while wearing his reproduction 1976 Vladislav Tretiak Soviet olympic hockey team jersey, he doesn’t think he has any Russian in him. The vodka didn’t warm his spirits or insides like the good scotch does. Hence, vodka will only be the queen consort of booze and not ever the queen regnant of booze.
Thirdly… Flavoured vodkas are just pansy drinks. If you want to add flavor to vodka, you just add something to the vodka. It shouldn’t come “pre-infused” it is just wrong…
Fourthly… Gin… Now allow your Maximum Leader to state clearly here… In your Maximum Leader’s family there are two factions. They are sort of like the Lancastrians and Yorks. They are the Gin drinkers and the Scotch drinkers. Never the two shall mix. Yes, in your Maximum Leader’s family you are one or the other. You get the taste early and it never leaves you. Your Maximum Leader was replused by his first sip of gin; but he was enraptured by the first sip of scotch. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t understand gin at all. So… You are probably asking yourself, “Self, why did my Maximum Leader, no fan of gin himself, put Gin into the monarchy in such a favored position?” Good question. He must have done it because your Maximum Leader is a semi-benevolent autocrat. In this case we’ll draw attention to the semi-benevolent part. Just because he can’t stand gin doesn’t mean that he doesn’t realize that some of his minions have different (and wrong) tastes. Of all of the freedoms your Maximum Leader wants to take from you, your ability to enjoy your gin (if you can) isn’t one of them.
NB to Card: Your Maximum Leader has his eye on you there Card… Comparing gin to Richard III. Now your Maximum Leader realizes that you were just doing the typical R III as Shakespeare characature comparison and not a legitimate historical comparison… But still… Your Maximum Leader tries to rehabilitate ole Dickon wherever he can… Damned Henry Tudor. (The Welsh bastard!)
Lastly… Our dear friend (and new dad! - Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!) Buckethead speculates that there is a Monarchy of Booze, Principate of Wine, and Republic of Booze. Your Maximum Leader will overlook Buckethead’s careless bandying of Frenchified insults early on and focus on the matter at hand. (NB to Buckethead: Watch out who you be calling French there…) Your Maximum Leader is clearly a true monarchist in this matter. He knows that a monarchy is the only way to go and that all those silly wines and beers have to controlled and not allowed to get out of hand. That will lead to mobocracy and the tyranny of the masses! Great jeezey chreezey! If we let the beers get out of hand they will start mulitplying and become mass-produced cans of pisswater…
Oh yeah…
If you have suggestions or comments on the Monarchy of Booze… Please feel free to comment.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been trying to finish off this bottle of vodka he has in his freezer. As longtime readers know, your Maximum Leader is a Scotch/Bourbon man. So vodka isn’t his bailiwick so to speak. He prided himself by discovering that mixing vodka and V-8 Mango/Peach juice was a way to get both liquor and vegetable nourishment in one tall glass. Alas, one of your Maximum Leader’s readers wasn’t quite as impressed.
Card wrote in a comment the following:
My Maximum Leader, I have always been a scotch drinker myself. I consider scotch the King of Boozes. I have for many years also been a fan of vodka, which I consider the Queen of Boozes. I would never defile scotch by mixing it with some vile, alien substance. I think the queen deserves the same respect. I humbly suggest that you toss the V8 Fusion down the toilet or your kid’s throat where it belongs. The queen is an absolute delight when she is chilled and naked.
Well said. Your Maximum Leader must admit that he sort of likes the V-8 fusion with or without the vodka. (It is also okay with rum.) So it is unlikely that it will go down the loo. But he isn’t sure that he can handle the vodka straight-up. And your Maximum Leader isn’t going to go for one of those pansy “flavoured” vodkas. They seem wrong in principle.
Anyhoo…
Your Maximum Leader read this comment and it got to perculating in his mind. He certainly agrees that scotch is the King of Booze. But he wasn’t sure about vodka being the queen. Well… He wasn’t sure at first. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. Then your Maximum Leader’s bizarre little mind got to thinking more… The result of his thinking…
Behold! The monarchy of booze:
King of Booze - scotch whisky
Queen of Booze - vodka
Crown Prince of Booze - Bourbon
Duke of Booze - Tennessee whisky
Earl(s) of Booze - Canadian whisky/Brandy
Marquise of Booze - Gin
Baron of Booze - Rum
Knights of Booze - Tequila
The rising middle class of Booze - wine
UPDATED! - Serfs - of course peasants drink beer
This is just a premilinary hierarchy. If you care to add to the list, please feel free to do so. Make suggestions and your Maximum Leader will expand the list.
God save the King (of Booze)!
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s friend, our favorite Boy Named Sous, has tagged him with a food meme. The theme is to share an “American peasant food” dish with everyone. The requirements of the dish be these: cheap, easy, and none too healthy.
Your Maximum Leader must admit that for some reason, this seems like a very tough request. But after some consideration, he decided to go with the first recipe that popped into his mind. This recipe doesn’t have a name, so far as your Maximum Leader knows. It is just a way to prepare bluefish. Now you might be saying “Oh, my Maximum Leader is having me buy fish…” Well, your Maximum Leader has never bought bluefish in his life. He always catches it himself. So if one is ignores the cost of operating a boat, this is pretty cheap. (And, of course, one’s boat doesn’t have to be very grand to go out and catch a fish… Even a bluefish.) Here goes…
Take one fillet (or more if you like) of bluefish and place it on a sheet of aluminum foil skin side down. Your aluminum foil should be big enough to make a “boat” around the fillet.
Apply a generous amount of lemon juice to the fillet.
Cover the flesh of the bluefish fillet with mayonnaise.
Cover the mayonnaise with grated parmesan cheese.
Sprinkle with “Old Bay” seasoning to taste (or none at all if you like).
Cook in 325 oven until fish is done (time will depend on the thickness of the fillet). Your Maximum Leader has also cooked this by making the “boat” of foil into a “tent” of foil and cooking it over indirect heat (a campfire - off to one side) and had it work out fine.
There you go. The oily bluefish is quite tasty when done up this way. Indeed, your Maximum Leader likes his bluefish cooked this way or smoked. Most other preparations are problematic because blue’s are quite oily and “fishy.”
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader returned from Carl’s with Villainette #2 and our ice cream. He continued to listen to the radio station we had been listening to in the car. Apparently Saturday nights from 8-10pm is “80’s Night.”
The DJ played “Strut” by Sheena Easton. Your Maximum Leader must admit a guilty pleasure. He loved Sheena Easton. Oh yes… Sheena Easton… That lovely Scottish lass. He remembers waiting with anticipation to see her when she guested on “Miami Vice.”
He had to mosey on over to iTunes and pick up some Sheena Easton. (For all her music he owned was on LP and is long since gone… Sadly…)
Now he’ll be listening to “Morning Train,” “Strut,” and “Almost over you” until he drifts off into gentle slumbers…
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wanted to take a moment to thank all his loyal readers who opined on his recent post concerning Johnnie Walker and making cocktails using Scotch as a primary ingredient.
First off, let your Maximum Leader thank Thomas for informing him that there was Scotch liqueur other than Drambuie. Your Maximum Leader will keep his eyes peeled for a bottle of Lochan Ora. He has never heard of it before, nor has he seen it. But now that he has heard of it… He may try to pick up a bottle.
Secondly, let your Maximum Leader assure you all that he would never (never EVAR) consider using a top shelf scotch in a cocktail. When your Maximum Leader says top shelf, he is not restricting this to single malts. Your Maximum Leader has had many single malts that are (in the words of Quasimodo) suitable only for cleaning sinks and paint brushes. There are many fine single malts for which it would, in fact, be a crime to mix with anything (except possibly ice). That said, your Maximum Leader believes there are a number of outstanding blends that should not be mixed. Chief among these is probably Johnnie Walker Blue.
Excursus: Quasimodo, in his comment, disparaged Cutty Sark Scotch. Your Maximum Leader must opine on this slam of Cutty. Your Maximum Leader will state on the record that Cutty Sark is not particularly good Scotch. It is, at best, passable for a blend. Your Maximum Leader has a soft spot in his heart – if not his palette – for Cutty Sark. You see, in his youth there always seemed to be a bottle of Cutty Sark around for those inclined to take a drink of whisky. Cutty Sark was likely the first Scotch your Maximum Leader ever sipped. (Or gulped more probably.) So, although he hasn’t had any Cutty Sark in years, he does remember it fondly as his “gateway” Scotch.
Lastly… For those of you who are curious as to what Scotch resides in your Maximum Leader’s liquor cabinet… Here is the list… Craiganmore. Glenfiddich Solera Reserve (which is at the moment your Maximum Leader’s favorite – his favorite changes with his mood and the season, Craiganmore was the favorite a few months ago). Glenlivet (Oak barrel special reserve). Bowmore (12 year old). And one bottle of Johnnie Walker Black.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has gotten himself on some fine mailing lists in his time. One of the mailing lists that keeps on giving about once a quarter is that of the good distillers of Johnnie Walker brand scotch. (Your Maximum Leader debated if he should put that link there - because you have to jump through some hoops to attest that you are “of age” to drink… But since he is going to be posting about some stuff they sent him it only seems polite to give them the link…
So… Your Maximum Leader is in the Johnnie Walker “Striding Man Society.” As best he can tell this gets him periodcial mailings and some invites to local events.
Now… Your Maximum Leader has always liked Johnnie Walker Scotch. Indeed, he has a bottle of “Gold Label” in his freezer. It is quite good. And your Maximum Leader also likes to relate that tale of scottish thrift involving Johnnie Walker Scotch. (Here tis: Why does Johnnie Walker come in square bottles? So you can pack more of them in a single crate (compared to round bottles) and thus save money in shipping.) He generally keeps a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black or Gold around.
(Excursus: Truth be told… Your Maximum Leader, when it comes to “mainline” brands of Scotch (mainline meaning a Scotch that you can walk into any reputable bar and find available) he is more a Glenfiddich man than a Johnnie Walker man. Glenfiddich has a little more smoke - which is desirable to your Maximum Leader.)
Anyhoo…
Johnny Walker sent your Maximum Leader a little mailer recently. The mailer contained recipes for cocktails involving (Johnnie Walker brand) Scotch. He opened it and read it over and was, at first, quite sceptical. You see, your Maximum Leader believes Scotch should be consumed two ways. 1) Neat. 2) On the rocks. That is pretty much it. Your Maximum Leader believes that Scotch shouldn’t be defiled by adding “mixers” and other such stuff. Having said this… One recipe in the mailing caught your maximum Leader’s eye. Here tis:
1 oz Scotch (Johnny Walker Green is recommended)
.5 oz Scotch Liqueur (none recommended but is there any other type than Drambuie? If you don’t have a Scotch liqueur you can substitute .5 oz of honey)
7 mint leaves
3 oz of Green Tea
Basically you mix the Scotch and liqueur first, add the mint leaves and alcohol to an old fashioned glass with ice, then top off with Green Tea. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know what possessed him to try it, but he did. And it wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it was pretty good. He doesn’t think he’ll drink many of these. But it was a nice change of pace.
Of course, your Maximum Leader wonders if this bandying with a Scotch cocktail with result in him loosing some points off his “Man Card.”
Humm….
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure what to think of this week. Today certainly felt like a Monday, although it was definately a Wednesday. The abbreviated week is nice, but it does seem to upset (on some level) the regular flow of time…
So… Iowa caucuses tomorrow… Predictions? Anyone? Here you go… On the Democratic side: Obama wins narrowly over Hillary Clinton. Edwards a distant third. Richardson fourth. Other Dems decide to call it quits after results. Four way race going into New Hampshire. On the Republican side: Romney narrowly edges out Huckabee. McCain polls third. Thompson fourth. Rudy fifth. The five (and Ron Paul) remain in contention in New Hampshire. Republican field will not clear out until February.
Your know… Your Maximum Leader has a “thing.” Actually, he has many “things” but this one relates to Egg Nog. He doesn’t think that one should drink Egg Nog after the Feast of the Epiphany. He doesn’t know why this is, but it is. He has a fresh half gallon of Egg Nog he bought right after Christmas. Alas, his Egg Nog consumption was low over the New Years holiday. He now is going to have to go through lots of Egg Nog in a few days.
Your Maximum Leader’s lovely wife, Mrs Villain, buys skim or fat-free milk when she does the grocery shopping. Your Maximum Leader mostly buys 1% (or sometimes whole - or what passes for whole in stores now - when he buys whole milk he pretends he just grabbed the gallon from “the wrong shelf” when asked why he bought whole milk). Now he will urge Mrs Villain to buy 1% milk at the store… For the sake of your Maximum Leader’s prostate.
Your Maximum Leader believes that all-you-can-eat buffets are - essentially - wagers. Bets if you will. The restaurant is betting that they can prepare more food than you can eat (and make a profit) for the price they charge. In most cases, given the quality of buffet food, it is a bet the restaurants win. Then again there are people like Ricky Labit. Ricky apparently doesn’t like losing bets with all-you-can-eat buffets.
And finally… In a sign that “science” has in fact reached to new lows… Apparently a bunch of intrepid researchers have determined that male macaques “pay” for sex with female macaques. Yes… female macaques are, apparently, all whores who wontonly exchange intercourse for… wait for it… grooming. According to the piece:
Michael Gumert of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore made the discovery in a 20-month investigation into 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, New Scientist reports on Saturday.On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour.
But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male — and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.
Market forces also acted on the value of the transaction.
If there were several females in the area, the cost of buying sex would drop dramatically — a male could “buy” a female for just eight minutes of nit-picking.
But if there were no females around, he would have to groom for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered.
The work supports the theory that biological market forces can explain social behaviour, the British weekly says.
Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that the males are “paying” for sex in the sense of prostitution - as seems to be implied in the article. The males are more “exchanging” sex for the primate equivilent of spa treatments. (Try paying Trixie down on the corner in spa treatments and see how far that gets you…)
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes all of you, his loyal readers, a very Happy New Year. He hopes that you are all well and not too hung over. Your Maximum Leader, as is his habit, didn’t do too much to celebrate New Years. Indeed, for many years the extent of his celebration consisted of hanging around with his best buddy Kevin. We would watch movies, and then switch over to Dick Clark at about 11:55. We’d watch the ball drop in Times Square, then we would go back to watching movies until we drifted into the clutches of Morpheus. Now that Kevin is in Korea, our old plan is not practical. So, your Maximum Leader stays at home with is family and watches movies and then switches to Dick Clark at about 11:55 and watches the ball drop.
Pretty exciting huh?
Excursus: Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure how he should feel watching Dick Clark. On the one hand, Clark has made great progress since his stroke a few years ago. But on the other hand, your Maximum Leader feels badly watching him. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of being voyeuristic when watching Clark.
You know who your Maximum Leader misses on New Years Eve? Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians. He went out and bought a copy of Auld Lang Syne on iTunes to satisfy this nostalgic feeling.
Anyhoo, your Maximum Leader generally does indulge himself with a bottle of Pol Roger on New Years. But this year he opted to go with an Italian sparkling wine from Veneto. It was very good (he should say it is very good, as he hasn’t quite finished the bottle yet). The Processo he bought is dry with undercurrents of fruit (apples or pears). This sparkling wine has the benefit of only being about $17 a bottle - as opposed to the $50 a bottle your Maximum Leader is used to spending on the Pol Roger. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that he is enjoying the Italian wine as much as he has enjoyed the champagne in the past; but it is still pretty tasty.
Speaking of tasty…
The Almond encrusted pork loin was quite delicious. Your Maximum Leader took is massive pork tenderloin (featured in the post below) and cut it into thirds. He went ahead and prepared two of the three pieces for Christmas. He and his family wound up eating one third on Christmas day. The other prepared third was itself divided into thirds and divied up between your Maximum Leader’s in-laws, parents, and hungry self.
The third portion of tenderloin is thawed out and waiting to be prepared tonight. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t heard from anyone on a good preparation (NB to Mrs P: You teased me with a promise of recipe…). So he thinks he will do a typical rosemary and garlic marinade for a few hours then roast.
In unrelated news, Your Maximum Leader should tell you all that he’s been thinking recently that there is some big question in his life to which he knows the answer. The answer is (apparently) Venice. Yes, the city in Italy. He isn’t sure what the question is, but feels that Venice is the answer.
Anyhoo…
On to New Years resolutions. Your Maximum Leader will share a few of his with you all.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will bring peace to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will compete as his own nation in the summer Olympics in Beijing. He will not finish lower than fourth in every event. He will accomplish this feat by using his heretofore unknown ability to warp the time-space continuum.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will win every Nobel Prize available when he completes his “Grand Unified Theory.” This theory, which will be ultimately be confirmed by scientists from the Gamma-Zeta 294 system 8,433 years from now, will unify all practical questions of physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, and literature. The key to the unification of science will be the proto-electroneuquark partical - also known affectionately as “The Maxy”.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will end global warming by meditating for 72 hours straight under a blossoming tree surrounded by dancing wood-nymphs.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will be elected President of the United States without receiving a single popular vote. He will win a unanimous vote of the Electoral College. After his inauguration in 2009, Canada, Great Britain, Mexico, Brazil and Lichenstein will voluntarially surrender their national sovreignty to your Maximum Leader and the Mike World Order shall begin.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will wish the previously dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt a happy married life; he will move on to the passionate Lola Astanova as the object of his platonic affections.
In 2008 your Maximum Leader will try to improve the quality (if not quantity) of blog posts here at Naked Villainy.
There you have them. Your Maximum Leader is pretty sure he can keep up with at least two of them…
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is nothing if not a traditionalist when it comes to Christmas dinner. Standing rib roast, broiled potatoes, yorkshire pudding, etc., etc.. But this year he discovered that he had consumed the rib roasts from the steer that the Smallholder had raised for him. He consumed them earlier by cooking for parties. So now here comes Christmas and he doesn’t have rib roasts.
Your Maximum Leader, while not miserly, is of Scottish extraction. This means that does have a cheap streak in him. He just couldn’t bring himself to buy a rib roast from the grocer when he has a huge chest freezer filled with meat (raised for him by Smallholder).
This past year your Maximum Leader purchased from Smallholder a whole steer and a whole hog. Your Maximum Leader has frequently praised Smallholder for both. Well, when it came time to send the animals to the abbatoir, your Maximum Leader asked the butcher to keep the hog’s tenderlion completely intact. This was out mostly out of curiosity. Your Maximum Leader figured that he could always cut down the tenderloin to the size he needed for any particular meal - and if he wanted to cook up the whole thing while entertaining he could.
Well… When the meat came the tenderloin package was massive. Much larger than he thought in fact. He forgets sometimes that Smallholder’s hogs are often twice “normal market” weight. The tenderloin sat in the freezer. Sat until last night that is. It was then that your Maximum Leader determined that the pork tenderloin would be Christmas dinner. He took the tenderloin out to thaw and started to unwrap it this morning.
For your edification, here is his tenderloin - still mostly frozen.
Yes. That pork tenderloin is about 10 inches long - when doubled over on itself! It is about 5 and a half inches thick on the narrow end. It weighs (frozen) about 12 pounds.
Your Maximum Leader is going to cut it into sections and use it over the whole holiday stretch. It is much too large to use for one meal (plus he doesn’t think he could cook the whole thing effectively without a large spit).
Christmas dinner will consist of an Almond Encrusted Tenderloin (section), whipped potatoes, a baked apple casserole, asparagus and hollandaise, and a green salad.
If any reader would like to suggest additional tenderloin preparations (for New Years perhaps) they would be appreciated. He is considering a tenderloin in orange sauce and a rosemary tenderloin already.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has long extolled the virtues and taste of the animals raised for consumption by his good friend Smallholder. Well, Smallholder’s neighbor and friend (and your Maximum Leader’s friend too - lest there be confusion), Polymath is making an offering to the Gods of charcuterie.
Check it out.
Carry on.
