Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to bring to your attention a number of things that are just wrong.

Number 1: Game Six of the World Series will be delayed by a paid advertisement from Barack Obama. (If the game is required,) It will be delayed by 15 minutes. Senator Obama is buying 30 minutes of prime time to deliver a “longform” speech to the American people. Your Maximum Leader is offended by this. He is offended when any sporting event is pre-empted by something sort of a serious national crisis. While some of your Maximum Leader’s Obama supporters readers might be tempted to say that we are in a serious national crisis… Listen… Your Maximum Leader means SERIOUS. If a speech can be scheduled in advance it is not SERIOUS. Just have Senator Obama start earlier. Damnation.

Number 2: American gluttony. Apparently some guy ate a 15 pound burger (with an additional 5 pounds of fixins’ and bun) in under 5 hours. This just seems wrong.

Number 3: Irish bookies paying out bets made for an Obama victory - now. Great jeezey chreezey! What the hell is going on in the world that bookies are paying out bets made on the outcome of an event that has not yet occured?!? This violates so many different rules it leaves your Maximum Leader just gobsmacked. Let it be known that this would never occur in the Mike World Order. Never.

Number 4: Palin lookalike strippers to strut stuff. What is wrong with this you might ask? Well… Doctrinal issues aside… This event will take place and your Maximum Leader will likely forget to look for photos on the internet to see how it went…

Carry on.