More on the Monarchy of Booze.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been meaning to comment on the comments he’s received about his Monarchy of Booze post. First off… Please recall the hierarchy:

King of Booze - scotch whisky
Queen of Booze - vodka
Crown Prince of Booze - Bourbon
Duke of Booze - Tennessee whisky
Earl(s) of Booze - Canadian whisky/Brandy
Marquise of Booze - Gin
Baron of Booze - Rum
Knights of Booze - Tequila
The rising middle class of Booze - wine
Serfs - of course peasants drink beer
Dancing Dwarves of Booze - Sloe gin
Court Sluts of Booze - flavoured Brandies

Now… Allow your Maximum Leader to get a few things out in the open right now… First off… Bobgirrl grows more and more alluring with every comment she posts. She likes single malts, hockey, and - of course - bacon. If your Maximum Leader were single and living on the left coast (neither of which are in the cards) he would certainly see if he had what it takes to be Bobgirrl’s future ex-husband.

Secondly… Many commenters seem to imply (or is it that your Maximum Leader is inferring?) that your Maximum Leader doesn’t have what it takes to do vodka chilled and naked. Well… He polished off that bottle of vodka in his freezer by pulling out a shotglass and taking three shots in rapid succession to do in the damned thing. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t all that either. It is just too raw and medicinal. Even though your Maximum Leader sits in his Villainschloss typing this post while wearing his reproduction 1976 Vladislav Tretiak Soviet olympic hockey team jersey, he doesn’t think he has any Russian in him. The vodka didn’t warm his spirits or insides like the good scotch does. Hence, vodka will only be the queen consort of booze and not ever the queen regnant of booze.

Thirdly… Flavoured vodkas are just pansy drinks. If you want to add flavor to vodka, you just add something to the vodka. It shouldn’t come “pre-infused” it is just wrong…

Fourthly… Gin… Now allow your Maximum Leader to state clearly here… In your Maximum Leader’s family there are two factions. They are sort of like the Lancastrians and Yorks. They are the Gin drinkers and the Scotch drinkers. Never the two shall mix. Yes, in your Maximum Leader’s family you are one or the other. You get the taste early and it never leaves you. Your Maximum Leader was replused by his first sip of gin; but he was enraptured by the first sip of scotch. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t understand gin at all. So… You are probably asking yourself, “Self, why did my Maximum Leader, no fan of gin himself, put Gin into the monarchy in such a favored position?” Good question. He must have done it because your Maximum Leader is a semi-benevolent autocrat. In this case we’ll draw attention to the semi-benevolent part. Just because he can’t stand gin doesn’t mean that he doesn’t realize that some of his minions have different (and wrong) tastes. Of all of the freedoms your Maximum Leader wants to take from you, your ability to enjoy your gin (if you can) isn’t one of them.

NB to Card: Your Maximum Leader has his eye on you there Card… Comparing gin to Richard III. Now your Maximum Leader realizes that you were just doing the typical R III as Shakespeare characature comparison and not a legitimate historical comparison… But still… Your Maximum Leader tries to rehabilitate ole Dickon wherever he can… Damned Henry Tudor. (The Welsh bastard!)

Lastly… Our dear friend (and new dad! - Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!) Buckethead speculates that there is a Monarchy of Booze, Principate of Wine, and Republic of Booze. Your Maximum Leader will overlook Buckethead’s careless bandying of Frenchified insults early on and focus on the matter at hand. (NB to Buckethead: Watch out who you be calling French there…) Your Maximum Leader is clearly a true monarchist in this matter. He knows that a monarchy is the only way to go and that all those silly wines and beers have to controlled and not allowed to get out of hand. That will lead to mobocracy and the tyranny of the masses! Great jeezey chreezey! If we let the beers get out of hand they will start mulitplying and become mass-produced cans of pisswater…

Oh yeah…

If you have suggestions or comments on the Monarchy of Booze… Please feel free to comment.

Carry on.

Card said:

Well, there you are… I think my Maximum Leader has basically said it all. I would add one note of caution. Don’t ever turn your back on your gin-drinking relatives, you could find yourself in a tower someplace awaiting head removal.

bobgirrl said:

I’m still working on my BACON martini!

I think you kind of made my point there at the end. Once the proletarian genii is out of the bottle, there’s no going back, baby.

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