It is good to be the King, Pt 1

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was watching Mel Brooks’ “History of the World Part 1″ the other night. If you’ve not seen the film there is one part where Mel Brooks is playing King Louis XV - as a hypersexed twirp. After offering to save a poor maiden’s father from certain death (by extracting a promise for him to ravage her later); Brooks - in villainous fashion - turns to the camera and says “It’s good to be the King.”

So your Maximum Leader was thinking about that phrase a little bit. He was tossing about the idea in a semi-serious and then serious fashion. Who in the world is it good t be right now? He came up with three world leaders who are currently (in your Maximum Leader’s opinion) are on the top of their game. Right now you are reading part one of what will be a three part series.

So, without further adieu…

It is good to be… Vladimir Putin.

Okay… So Vlad is not really a King… But he might as well be a Tsar. He’s got sweeping nearly dictatorial powers over Russia. He has a democratically elected, yet completely subservient to his will, parliament that gives his government just enough credibility with those silly westerners who like to deal with “democratic nations.” He’s been popularly elected twice - and frankly could be again if he decides to change that pesky (and meaningless) constitution.

Vladimir has ultimate control over all press outlets in the nation. If he doesn’t like what they say about him, he can shut them down. Sure there is outcry in the west, but what do you care? What can they do to you? Sure the Russian army isn’t what it used to be; but they still have more nukes than you can shake a stick at. In a pinch you can get cash to the army by selling more oil or gas.

Oh yeah… Did your Maximum Leader forget the huge natural resource reserves in Russia. While it is a fact that they are hard to get to, the oil and gas is there. With gas and oil needs rising so dramatically around the world soon the opportunity cost of getting that gas and oil will be low enough that plenty of companies around the world would chomp at the bit to drill it out.

Now, surely there is lots of corruption and crime in Russia. But if you are Vladimir Putin you know that all you need to do to get that under control is to crack down in the name of freedom and democracy. Vladimir is the former KGB agent afterall. He has plenty of experience with cracking down. Your Maximum Leader is pretty certain that a lot of crime money somehow trickles up to Vladimir and his henchpeople… So a crack down might not be in the offing anytime soon.

Oh yeah… Did your Maximum Leader forget to mention that Vladimir does have problems with various seperatist groups. But those problems can be dealt with. Afterall, all Vladimir has to do is claim the seperatists are terrorists and he has carte blanche from the west. But then again, who the hell cares what “the west” says about heavy-handed dealings with seperatists?

For all these reasons, and many many more (not the least of which is just how plain studly he is), it is good to be Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Carry on.

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