Capt’n Red

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been really living high off the proverbial hog the past few days. Thanks to Mrs Villain and Captain Red.

You see, Mrs Villain took the Villainettes on a short weekend visit to her parents house. Her parents live out on the Cheaspeake Bay. Your Maximum Leader inquired of Mrs Villain what the chances of her bringing back some oysters were (since they are in season right now). She wasn’t sure as they had lots of stuff planned to do…

Well… Not being satisfied with that answer, your Maximum Leader called his sainted mother-in-law to both inform her that Mrs Villain was on the way with the Villainettes and to ask if they could stop by and see Captain (Capt’n) Red while they were out and about.

Capt’n Red, you see, is the preferred supplier of oysters to your Maximum Leader’s in-laws (and by extension your Maximum Leader). He has good quality victuals at a very reasonable price. Your Maximum Leader’s mother-in-law assured him that there was plenty of time to see the good Capt’n and get some oysters.

Well… Mrs Villain returned on Sunday afternoon to the Villainschloss with 3 pints of oysters for your Maximum Leader. Them bein’ fresh oysters (shucked and bottled Saturday afternoon) he had to start eating them right away. You Maximum Leader is one fat happy bastard now - as he has pretty much consumed one pint of oysters a night. He didn’t consume them all raw. He had one or two from each batch raw (you know - to make sure they were okay). But then he decided to fry them up.

Normally, your Maximum Leader fries his oysters in a flour and corn-meal mix. But a close friend said that he ought to try something different. She suggested her mother’s technique. The plan is to take a half a “sleeve” of saltine crackers and run them through your food processor until they are finely ground. Then add one tablespoon of baking powder to the mix. Salt and pepper to taste. Dip your oyster into a thin egg wash (one egg and about 1/4 cup of water) then into your cracker breading. Then into your skillet with oil. Your Maximum Leader cooked his oysters for about 1 minute a side.

My my my. They were tasty. Your Maximum Leader believes that his friend’s technique with the saltines is superior to his method with flour and corn-meal.

So your Maximum Leader was finishing the last of his oysters last night and was thinking aloud how nice it would be to have more, but what a pity it was that Capt’n Red was a two hour drive away. At that point Villainette #1 mentioned that while they were buying the oysters from Capt’n Red Mrs Villain mentioned that we lived a few hours away and that we often craved the Capt’n’s oysters. Hearing this caused the Capt’n hissownself to ask where home was. Mrs Villain told him. The Capt’n then exclaimed that during oyster season he packs up the refrigerated truck twice a week as sells his oysters about 2 miles from the Villainschloss! He said that he is here in Fredericksburg on Tuesday afternoons and Thursday afternoons. He gets the oysters fresh in the AM, then drives them to town and sells them ’till he is out. The Capt’n indicated that he is generally in place by noon and out of oysters by 3pm.

This Thursday your Maximum Leader will find the Capt’n and get himself some more oysters…

Carry on.

UPDATE: Your Maximum Leader got it wrong. Badly wrong. In the first go through he typed the Capt’n’s name as Rex. In fact, the Capt’n is not Rex but Red. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure why he called him Rex and not Red. In fact, your Maximum Leader has called the Capt’n “Rex” to his face in all of our previous meetings. No one has ever thought to correct your Maximum Leader on this not-so-trivial distinction, not even the Capt’n himself. A local friend, who also knows the Capt’n pointed this out yesterday evening… Apologies to the Capt’n.

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