Bipartisan Commissions

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, like many of you he’s sure, has been thinking about the impending report of the “Baker Commission.”

Surely you’ve heard of it? The bipartisan commission (appointed by Congress) that is supposed to “solve” the whole question of “what do we do now in Iraq?” If you’ve not heard of it you are willfully ignoring the news or just plain ole stupid.


Your Maximum Leader’s thoughts on the Baker Commission are mixed. On the one hand, he feels that the Bush Administration has completely lost its way on Iraq and just doesn’t have a clue what to do now. Frankly, no one has put forward anything remotely resembling a clue about what to do in Iraq now. (Except for John McCain and John Murtha. The former wants more troops sent to Iraq; the latter to withdraw all troops from Iraq.) Looking at the problem this way, your Maximum Leader welcomes the Baker Commission as a group that might actually have a clue - or at least a plan to do something.

On the other hand, the very idea of the commission angers your Maximum Leader. It shows the intellectual bankruptcy and general cowardice of our elected political classes to put a plan forward for debate. In this feeling it seems as though your Maximum Leader and Michael Kinsley seem to share some sentiments on the Baker Commission.

(Excursus: BTW, your Maximum Leader is glad to see ole Chuck Robb out there as an “elder statesman” type of guy. He is, as you may know, a former Marine, former Governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia, former United States Senator from Virginia, and son-in-law to a former United States President. Although being married to Linda Bird is not all it is cracked up to be - witness Mr. Robb’s “massage” at the hands of a woman who was not Linda Bird. This was an indiscression that helped torpedo Chuck’s Presidential ambitions. Chuck Robb remains one of the few Democrats or whom your Maximum Leader has voted… In case you care…)

Your Maximum Leader dislikes these “bipartisan commissions” set up by either the President or Congress because they are the coward’s way to solve a problem. Granted the problems requiring a bipartisan commission are generally regarded as pretty intractable problems; but the problems remain ones that require political solutions. Last time your Maximum Leader checked, we held elections and cast votes for politicans who’s job it (purportedly) is to make political decisions.

Then again… What does your Maximum Leader know? In the Mike World Order there will be a huge elected Parliament that debates everything all the time. But everyone will know that it is their Maximum Leader and his Ministers who really get things done.

Alas, we live in a democratic republic and have a President, and Senators, and Congressmen who’s job it is to get things done. To make policy. And to figure out a plan of action in Iraq.

But tough problems require that politican run and hide. Because the solution to a tough problem is likely going to piss someone off pretty royally. And if you piss off someone, they aren’t likely to re-elect you. Sometimes a politician finds that a problem (like Iraq) really just can’t be allowed to continue, but solutions are likely going to risk the politican’s ability to be re-elected… The solution? Find a group of “elder statesmen” types to recommend a solution for you! Take their recommendations, implement them quickly, and pray for the best.

If the recommendations (when implemented) are successful, why then all the cowardly politicans can claim that they wanted to make those recommendations all along but the poisonous political atmosphere in Washington prevented them from speaking out - except through the bipartisan commission.

If the recommendations (when implemented) suck and make things worse, why then it was all that silly commission’s fault. What the hell did they know? They aren’t close enough to the problem to be able to solve them? The poisonous atmosphere in Washington… well… poisoned the commission’s work and made it impossible to come up with a workable solution…

It makes your Maximum Leader sick…

Of course, on another level, your Maximum Leader dislikes bipartisan commissions because they break gridlock. Your Maximum Leader, as long time readers know, is a great fan of gridlock in politics. Certainly it is nice to get things done once and a while, but gridlock keeps the passions on all sides in check.


Your Maximum Leader supposes he’ll continue to anxiously await what the Baker Commission has to report.

Carry on.

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