“Lackluster” Smallholder, Memento Moron, and Polygamy

Our good friend Brian B over at Memento Moron has accused your humble stable of villanous bloggers of being “lackluster.”

Your modest Smallholder is not chagrind. Perhaps the Maximum Leader has been lackluster, but I have been, well, silent.

Been in a bit of a funk for the last couple of months. My typically sunny disposition is starting to reassert itself, so I shall recommence my blogospheric ramblings by giving our friend Brian the thrasing he so thoroughly earned back in March. He tried to call me out with his post “You Were Saying,” wherein the brilliantly bombastic Brian broke balls over my previous dismissal of the slippery slope argument. Go read. I’ll wait.

Seriously. Go read. Shoo!

Back already?

Well, I would have responded earlier and I apologize for the delay, but my new wives Jaime, Evangeline and Alyssa were keeping me busy around the house.

As a matter of fact, I don’t “consider coverage on the Today Show and MSNBC/Newsweek, and sympathetic treatment in an HBO Series to be the beginning of a cause celebrite.”

I consider it to be infotainment designed to boost the ratings of the show. The firewall between newsroom and entertainment divisions has become paper thin. The entertainment focus of the nightly news has driven your elitist Smallholder to imbibe his news from the printed page.

I also don’t “accept the argument that marriage is nothing more than an expression of love.” My pro-gay marriage is based on constitutional equal protection and the knowledge that the full faith and credit clause of the Constitution requires states to recognize contracts concluded in other states, regardless of silly Protection of Marriage Acts and state constitutional revisions. Under the legal argument, limiting marriage to one partner is perfectly constitutional if everyone is limited.

I’d be pretty pissed off if we granted Mormons and Muslims exemptions to monogomy because that would unconsitutionally offer different rights to different groups.

Accepting gay marriage is simply following the Constitution as written. Since marriage as a single-partner institution already exists, one only has to open the door. Creating a right to polygamy would require the radical reconsideration of all the benefits and appurtenances of marriage*.

That said, from a strictly love point of view, I have no problem with anyone living with multiple partners. Live and let live are what I, and Mrs. Smallholder and Jaime and Evangeline and Alyssa always say.

* I gots no idea what appurtenances is, but it do sound fancy and all book-smart an’ stuff, don’t it?

Building A Wall

All the calls to secure our borders are — how can I put it in my idosyncratically “Squishy” way? — DUMB.

We have a very long border with Mexico.

Life in Mexico, due to the historical legacy of Spanish catholic absolutist colonization that led to undemocratic, kleptocratic traditions, — how can I put it in my idiosyncratically “Squishy” way? — SUCKS.

Therefore, lots of people want to cross that very long border.

They want to cross the border because they are willing to work hard to make a better life for their kids. They know that working hard in Mexico will not necessarily provide for their children’s future because the lack of legal safeguards protecting the fruits of entrepreneurial capitalism are too weak in the face of government misconduct.

People who don’t want to work hard and/or don’t care about improving the lives of their children don’t cross the border into the United States.

Unfortunately, people who don’t want to work hard and/or don’t care about about improving the lives of their children are the only people a wall will stop.

Hardworking people dedicated to improving the lives of their children, in aggregate, can’t be stopped by a wall, or by border security, or by the minutemen. You may catch individuals, but can’t stop the wave itself.

I challenge the readers of this blog to consider this little exercise:

A) You live in a disfunctional society without historical processes to internally improve that society.

B) You have children. You love them. You want them to live better lives than their parents.

C) A country to the North has an economic system that rewards hard work.

D) That country has legal protections that secure the right of property.

E) That country builds a wall to keep you out.

Question: How high a wall do they need to build to keep you out?

My answer: No wall would stop Smallholder from trying to build a better life for Emilie and Jack.
UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Since Trackbacks seem to be dysfunctional… Here is a link to Brian’s post in which our minion starts to put the smackdown on Smallholder.

Border Solutions

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has, many times, expressed his frustrations over the whole immigration debate. His position boils down to “it doesn’t matter what laws we pass to address the current illegal immigrants as long as new ones can cross the border at will.”

Finally, the Bush Administration is starting to consider border enforcement. President Bush has announced that he is planning on using the National Guard to help the Border patrol. It is a start. A very small start, but a start.

Allow your Maximum Leader to make an additional suggestion. This suggestion is only good along the Rio Grande…

Move some of those alligators that are eating people from Florida to the border. Since the alligators are “crowded” in Florida they might welcome a chance at some more open space along the Texas/Mexico border…

Just a thought.

Carry on.

Science Question

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a science question for you. (No Googling!)

Chocolate milk. Suspension or solution?

You Maximum Leader says suspension. Mrs Villain says solution with very low saturation point.

Discuss and comment please.

Carry on.

Mother’s Day Wrapup & More

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is still feeling a little petulant. Perhaps that feeling will come out a little in some of todays other post. This one probably is low on the peevishness scale…

Mrs Villain had a fine Mother’s Day. There was much feasting and rejoicing. Of course, where there is feasting and rejoicing on Mother’s Day at the Villainschloss there is also a Maximum Leader (reduced for the day to being Mr Villain) doing lots of cooking and dishwashing. Indeed, your Maximum Leader had to run the dishwasher twice yesterday - and still had to hand wash a number of cooking implements. And as a show of what a wonderful and loving husband your Maximum Leader is… He even made a broccoli casserole for Mrs Villain that he just can’t stand (but Mrs Villain loves). Not only did he cook it… He ate a full portion himself without making faces or comments. (You’ve got to be a good influence on the Villainettes you know.)

In addition to the nuclear family of your Maximum Leader, the festivities were shared by your Maximum Leader’s much beloved (and pregnant) sister and her husband. Alas, your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother wasn’t feeling well and could not travel to the Villainschloss to partake of the joy…

In other news… Your Maximum Leader and the Villainettes caught the Hokusai exhibition at the Sackler on Friday night before it headed out of town. It was wonderful. And frankly the Villainettes were great at the exhibition. Your Maximum Leader had his doubts about how much he’d be able to enjoy the exhibition with a 9 year old and a 7 year old in tow; but he shouldn’t have worried. He got a good 90 mins to go through to exhibition. Admittedly that was about an hour less than he would have liked, but all things considered it was a great time.

In even more news… Your Maximum Leader sees that another concerned fan of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is threatening to club a baby seal if she doesn’t pose topless in Playboy… (Thanks to bobgirrl for the tip-off.) Well… Your Maximum Leader will counter this offer by saying that he will do in a whole family of baby harp seals if the dreamy Miss Hewitt does pose for Playboy. Your Maximum Leader has already been over this. Playboy isn’t the way to go… Action film. Tell producers that they will have to pay an arm and a leg for a quick topless shot. Then indie film with major Oscar potential… Playboy reeks of despiration…

Of course, regardless of what the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt does; she will be the (platonic) object of your Maximum Leader’s affections.

Carry on.


Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is feeling rather petulant. Why? Because he lives in a nation of idiots. Complete. Total. Freaking. Idiots.

The final straw probably came today at lunch time. Your Maximum Leader was partaking of an Asian buffet (something remarkably plebian), alone, and chanced to overhear two older ladies at the next table. The first woman was discussing her niece’s situation to the second woman. The first woman said something to the effect of her niece being a financial burden on her family. The first woman said, “Well you can hardly blame the girl. She is 22 years old. She’s living at home. She’s unemployed. And she’s caring for her 5 year old child.”

What? You can’t blame her? What can’t we blame her for? As best I can tell about the only thing you can’t blame the girl for is being 22. I can blame her for just about everything else.

But we can’t just go around blaming people can we? That isn’t nice. It damages people’s self-esteem. It doesn’t “celebrate diversity.” It is so judgmental.

I really wish that we could pinpoint the moment at which the hearty people of these United States became such pansy wimps. I do. Then at least I could focus my anger at some specific event and rant, “Goddamn it! If it wasn’t for everything that happened on August 18, 1989 we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in.”

If our Anglo-Western heritage was a book, we’d be tearing out the pages one at a time and mixing them in a huge manure heap of modernity and relativism. Social norms? Too restrictive. Personal responsibility? Too hard. Understanding right and wrong? Too judgemental. Calling a thing by its true name? Too pushy. Our hard-won liberty, our freedoms, our civilization. It is all being tossed into a dung-heap that will be spread on a weed-ridden field and left to grow untended. Neglected.

Here’s a quotation that got my dander up:

… But if people want to practice polygamy, who am I to say anything? I think that’s what’s great about America, is you can practice any religion. It’s unfortunate though when it’s forced upon young people, and that’s when I really have the biggest problem with it.

That was Chloe Sevigny.* One of the stars of HBO’s Big Love. Frankly, I’ve got no major issues with the show. I tried watching a few episodes and it didn’t do anything for me. But I’ve got a big problem with this sentiment.

Who am I to say anything if you want to practice polygamy? Humm… What if your religion happens to endorse shooting women for wearing nail polish in public? What if your religion happens to condone locking girls in a burning building because releasing them from the building without head scarves might titillate and/or offend some old geezers? How about stoning young girls who are raped because they are dishonored?

I suppose all those religious practices are okay too. You know… You don’t want to judge anyone. It might hurt their feelings. Make ‘em feel bad.

Of course, I shouldn’t go around bad-mouthing religions. Have you heard about one of the newer ones? The Church of Oprah? Okay. It isn’t a real church. But you’d think that Oprah was the focal point of some religion the way people go on about her. Did you see the bit on the USA Today website? “The Divine Miss Winfrey.” Here’s a sample:

She’s no longer just a successful talk-show host worth $1.4 billion, according to Forbes’ most recent estimate. Over the past year, Winfrey, 52, has emerged as a spiritual leader for the new millennium, a moral voice of authority for the nation.

“She’s a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa,” says Kathryn Lofton, a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers analyzing the religious aspects of Winfrey. “Oprah has emerged as a symbolc figurehead of spirituality.”

I wish to God I was making this up. But no. It’s out there. Oprah Friggin’ Winfrey the new, hip, materialistic Mother Teresa? Excuse me while I go and vomit. On the one hand we condemn any sort of established religion - because they’re bad and have rules and all. But give us some new-agey-feel-good-I’m-not-responsible-for-my-pathetic-life guru and we’ll just sop it up and ask for seconds (and thirds).

Oprah Winfrey the voice of moral authority in America? Has it come to that people? Really. Because if it has let me know. I’ll just get some more guns, buy some livestock, and move away to Montana or something and just give my house to some Oprah worshiping fool. Because if I didn’t give it to the undeserving bastard they’d just pass a law taking it from me.

Then again… We are passing lots of stupid stupid laws. You know why? Because a nation of idiots elects idiotic people to office. The voters are too damn dumb to understand or care what their elected officials are doing.

Symptomatic of this phenomenon, today I happened to catch a snippet of the NPR show “Day to Day.” Noah Adams, the host, was interviewing John Wells the producer of “The West Wing.” At one point Adams confessed to Wells that he has trouble following the dialogue on the show. The dialogue is technical and sharp you know. Wells says that’s okay. Most people don’t understand the “wonky” language but are still able to get the “feeling” of what is being said.

I can hardly begin describing how many things are wrong with that. Noah Adams has been at NPR reporting on politics and what-all since 1978. 1978! That is twenty-eight years he’s been covering politics and current events. And he doesn’t fucking understand the dialogue on a TV drama about politics? Doesn’t understand the dialogue? I’m only 37 years old and I’ve never had trouble understanding the dialogue on “The West Wing.” Last time I checked, I’ve never been a political correspondent who’s traveled the world bringing the listeners of NPR the news. But I can understand, intellectually understand, “The West Wing.” What does that say about Noah Adams?

Then the Executive Producer of the show tells Adams that one shouldn’t feel badly about not understanding the dialogue on “The West Wing.” It is a pretty high-brow show and if one just understands the feelings of the characters on the show you’ll be okay. If I just understand the feelings? How the hell am I going to understand their feelings if I can’t fucking understand what the they’re saying? You know language is generally used to convey meaning. If you can’t convey meaning and information with language does it really have a purpose? I suppose if I pay extra close attention to Bradley Whitford and Martin Sheen I’ll miraculously get clued in.

Since our chattering classes can’t understand a damned TV show it should come as no surprise that they can’t pass laws to keep down frivolous lawsuits. You know, tort reform? Or is “tort reform” too technical a term. If you could see me now you’d know that I was looking as sincerely as possible at the monitor with big ole tears welling up in my brown eyes and trying to convey how important tort reform is. Do you feel it? Do you feel my concern? Do you feel my lack of compassion for the idiots? Trust me, if you were here you’d feel it. You’d feel how important the issue is.

Or isn’t as the case may be. You see, I am not an idiot. I am thus offended by nonsensical lawsuits brought by nonsensical persons to advance nonsensical causes. Like the asshole (Michael Cohn) who is suing the Los Angeles/Orange County/Anaheim/Southern California Angels because they didn’t give him a tote bag on Mother’s Day last year. Yup. Mr. Cohn was discriminated against because he wasn’t a woman over 18. Frankly if Mr. Con is so covetous of an Angels tote bag he probably could have just stayed after the game finished and picked up as many as he wanted from those discarded in the stands… But noooo… He’s got to sue the team because they wanted to give those people most likely to fit the profile of a mother a gift on Mother’s Day.

Of course, not all frivolous lawsuits are about tote bags and baseball games. Many of them have to do with life - or more likely death. Medical malpractice is a common type of lawsuit. Too bad 40% of the lawsuits are goundless. Groundless as in no harm done.

But we can’t stop those lawsuits. We can’t punish people who bring frivolous lawsuits. Why? Because that might prevent a truly aggrieved person from bringing a lawsuit in the future. We must accommodate the lowest common denominator so that everyone feels better.

Of course, if we can’t get all worked up about frivolous lawsuits I don’t see how we could get worked up about the government collecting records of who we call on the phone. I mean really. The language we’d have to use to describe that situation is really complicated. If we can’t handle The West Wing then I’m not sure how we’ll handle government intrusion into our personal lives.

But they aren’t really intruding are they? No. Just recording what numbers I dial and look for a pattern. (By the way… If you want know the most frequently called people from my phones they are: my mother in-law, my sister-in-law, the mothers of girls in the Girl Scout troop the Villainettes are members of, the Air Marshal, and the Smallholder. That is it. If there is a connection there to a terrorist threat please let me know…) Looking for patterns isn’t like listening in on the calls. Is it? Noooo…

Then again… The issues are complex and hard to comprehend. Very difficult ideas you know.

Perhaps they are difficult if you are a complete boob.

Oh yes… My countrymen. They are complete boobs. How could I have forgotten?

You know… Someone out there reading this and thinking that if we’d all just use our words to explain ourselves to one another we’d all feel better. We don’t have to get angry or strike out. You know violence never solved anything…

Damn. If I hear one more sanctimonious fool say to me that violence never solved anything I think I will use violence to solve the problem of me having to listen to idiots. I will not say that violence should be your first reaction to any situation. But it can come in awful handy you know. Violence has, in fact, solved many many things throughout history.

Of course, we don’t have the taste for violence being used to solve problems like we used to. I don’t know what would happen if we were facing an enemy bent on our destruction and hoping to impose their ideology on all mankind?

Oh yeah… We are facing such an enemy. But when they hide in mosques, well, we just have to wait them out. Normally I’m all for doing everything possible to spare non-military targets. But if you put a bunch of armed people in a mosque, school, hospital, or other structure of historic/cultural importance; well then it has become a military target. I think that military targets held by an enemy ought to be destroyed. But that is just me I suppose.

And you know… Back during WWII if you supported the Nazi’s (actively or passively) you were likely to get your house blown up - at the least. Nowadays we can’t even call the vast majority of Muslims who passively support the terrorists/jihadi cause collaborators. They are you know. Collaborators that is. I’m not advocating blowing up the homes of every Muslim. But perhaps by labeling a person what they are you might find out who is and isn’t on your side.


I’ve gone on and on with no purpose… I don’t even know ho I’m writing this for or why I am bothering. If you are reading this you fall into one of two descriptions.

The first is that you are a regular reader of this site. In which case, you’re probably not an idiot but a person seeking out other non-idiots in an effort to keep your sanity.

The second type of person reading this is someone who googled something like “Jennifer Love Hewitt naked” or “Giada DeLaurentiis naked.” Of course, this makes you an idiot. It is likely that if you are an idiot, you are scandalized by all this (if you understood it - that whole I-can’t-understand-The-West-Wing-factor) and will just click away. Before you go allow me to ask you to give up. Your life is meaningless and you are too stoopid to realize it.

There might be a third description of a reader out there. The idiot who realizes they are an idiot and is trying to better themselves. I doubt you’ll be successful. But that shouldn’t keep you from trying.

I’m gonna have a scotch and turn in.

Carry on.

Gettin ink done in all 50 states

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the great state of Oklahoma has now legalized tattoo parlors. Oklahoma was the last state in the Union to legalize tattoos.

Humm… Your Maximum Leaders suspects that the fact that getting a tattoo was illegal in Oklahoma didn’t stop anyone who wanted a tattoo from getting one.

Additionally… Is your Maximum Leader the only one who sees the prevalence of tattoos in America today as a sign of impending cultural doom?

Carry on.

General Housekeeping Stuff

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been making some quiet changes here at Naked Villainy. Well… Mostly they are changes to the blogroll. Nope, not really cleaning out blogs but adding some on. (Sorry Sadie - who remains - by the way DEAD SEXY! NB to Sadie: You wouldn’t be up for coming to the Villainschloss and discussing engineering problems with your Maximum Leader would you?)

Yes… Your Maximum Leader has added some blogs to his blogroll that he’s read off and on for a while and now he’s commiting to read with some regularity. He’s also moved some blogs around on his blogroll. He would like to note that he has rounded out his Loyal Minions Category with an even 10 by adding the Hatemongers and Llama Butchers to the list. He doesn’t forsee expanding the Loyal Minions categeory further. That is, of course, subject to his autocratic whim…

Among the other addees are: Mixolydian Mode, 1 Girl 4 Martinis, Feisty Republican Whore, Wuzzadem, Tommy Funebo (which is in Swedish by the way), and Tinkery Tonk. Speaking of Tinkery Tonk. That title floats around in your Maximum Leader’s brain. He finds himself just sitting staring at his monitor and the words “Tinkery Tonk” repeat over and over in his mind. Tinkery Tonk. Tinkey Tonk. Tinkery Tonk. Tinkery Tonk. Perhaps typing them out will exorcise them from the little voice in his head…

If you are a reader and linker to Naked Villainy and don’t appear on the blogroll - but think you should let your Maximum Leader know. No guarantees. Your Maximum Leader has had some trackback and commenting problems here of late that he needs to look into. So he thinks that he might be missing some of you.

And finally… Do not expect many updates from your Maximum Leader on Friday May 12 or Friday May 26. Tomorrow your Maximum Leader has some business to which he must attend and it will likely keep him away from blogging all day. And on Friday May 26 your Maximum Leader is taking Villainette #1 out of school for a day with dad. She’s been shortchanged twice now on the go-out-with-dad-and-do-something-fun front. So we will likely sleep in, go out for breakfast, then visit the Smithsonian, get a nice lunch, and other fun stuff. She, and your Maximum Leader, are really looking forward to it. Also, it comes right after Villainette #1 finishes the SOL tests. So it will be nice to blow off some steam…

Carry on.

NAACP moving… What happens to Dot?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is something of a curmudegonly fellow. Perhaps it doesn’t always show on the blog, but if you got to know him better in “real life” (and really which one of you out there doesn’t) you would discover his curmudegonly streak…

Among the great curmudgeons of the 20th Century one must include Dorthy Parker (1893 - 1967). She had a sharp wit and was a great writer. She is, unfortunately, a cultural icon lost to the great majority of unliterary Americans…


It was by sheer chance that your Maximum Leader started to put things together for this post. As some of you may know, the NAACP has declared its intention to move its national headquarters from Baltimore, MD to Washington DC. Why the organization would do this your Maximum Leader doesn’t know. It isn’t as though being in Baltimore has decreased access to the power brokers in Washington for NAACP leaders. If their headquarters were in New York, or Chicago, or Atlanta your Maximum Leader might understand the move. But Baltimore? It doesn’t make piles of sense.

Regardless, that is not the point of this post One presumes that if the NAACP moves its headquarters to DC they will abandon their building in Baltimore. If they abandon their building in Baltimore what is to become of Dorothy Parker? She is buired in a memorial garden on the site of the NAACP headquarters in Baltimore.

Your Maximum Leader knew that Dorothy Parker died without heirs and decided to leave her estate to Martin Luther King, Jr. Upon King’s murder, her estate reverted to the NAACP. So, the NAACP owns the rights to, and receives royalties from the writings of Dorothy Parker. When the NAACP discovered, in 1988 or so, that Dorothy Parker’s cremated remains resided in a file cabinet in her attorney’s office, they offered to create a memorial garden at their headquarters as a place of internment. So, after more than a decade in a file cabinet, Parker’s remains were buired at NAACP headquarters.

So if the NAACP moves their headquarters (and it seems as though they will) what is to become of Dorothy Parker? Does she get moved as well? Or does she remain in Baltimore?

Frankly, there is some irony to her situation. Parker is always connected in your Maximum Leader’s mind with New York City and the Alqonquin Round Table. There seems to be an ironic cruelty in Dorothy Parker not being buried in NYC. Perhaps when the NAACP leaves Baltimore, Parker’s ashes should be removed and put in a memorial in the Alqonquin Hotel in NYC?

Who knows…

Carry on.

Bush and the Big Perch

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader knows that the story about President Bush’s interview with the German-language Bild magazine is starting to take off like a case of crabs in a mining camp. What? You’ve not seen the article? Well here it is:

Bush’s best moment in office? Reeling in big perch.

It seems that the President told a Bild reporter that the highlight of his time as leader of the free world was: “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound perch in my lake…”

Now some people will surely cast aspersions on this statement. Many of the President’s detractors will surely opine, comment, and bloviate about how this just shows how Bush is out of touch, how he is letting Cheney run the show, how he has no idea of what the real world is like. To his detractors allow your Maximum Leader to say this, “Have you ever seen a 7.5 pound perch? Have you ever caught one?” Your Maximum Leader hasn’t. Why? ‘Cause that is a big perch to find in your own pond. Your Maximum Leader remembers the nearly 50 inch long Rockfish he caught once. He remember landing a big ole grouper in the Gulf of Mexico. He even remembers a Bluefish that fought him for 20 minutes before giving in. (As you can tell your Maximum Leader is a saltwater fisherman himself - not a big pond fisherman.)

If fishing is something you love, then you always remember the big catches. Those memories are more important to you than scoring the big deal, landing the big client, or - if you are President - passing a stimulative tax cut. This story doesn’t bespeak a President who is out of touch. They talk about a President who has his personal priorities in order.

Carry on.

Polygamist Now Wanted

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw yesterday that Warren Jeffs was added to the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List over the weekend. Jeffs is a former teacher and apparently the leader of a splinter sect of the Church of Latter DaySaints called, easily enough, the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints. Jeffs appears to be a polygamist and a pedophile.

But to your Maximum Leader’s surprise, Jeffs looks nothing like Roman Grant (aka Harry Dean Stanton).

Carry on.

More on “The Letter”

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Preston’s people have found a completely different letter from Iranian President Ahmadinejad to President Bush than did your Maximum Leader’s people. This just goes to show that you sometimes just get sources that conflict.

Sort of like intelligence analyists…

Carry on.

Day in 08

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must direct you towards Minion Skippy’s site. Skippy’s masterful analysis of American politics, and his suggestions for an unbeatable ticket in 2008 should be read and enjoyed.

It must be because Skippy is Canadian that he hasn’t been picked up by some political consulting group as a top-level strategery type of guy… In the Mike World Order he will be well cared for…

Carry on.

General Update

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader had a great weekend. He went to a great wedding and had a fantastic time. (NB to Steve & Catherine: If you are reading this… Why? You’re in Hawaii now supposedly having lots of sex and periodically going to the beach…) Your Maximum Leader also had a fine time with his villainous progeny. Lots of fun there too. Mostly indoor stuff as it was raining. But fun nonetheless. (The Villainettes convinced your Maximum Leader to join them on a Girl Scouts camping trip in a few weeks. So it will be a family affair - as Mrs Villain is the troop leader.)

Last night your Maximum Leader tried out a new spinach recipe. Basically you take a large bag of frozen spinach and put it in a pot with three-four cups of water. Bring water & spinach to boil. As soon as the water boils remove the spinach, but retain the boiling water. Add rice to the water and cook. In the meanwhile, right before the rice is done, put the spinach into a skillet with a few tablespoons of olive oil and a clove of crushed garlic. Heat up your spinach. When the rice is done and the spinach is steaming - put a few tablespoons of pine nuts in the spinach. Place rice on your plate. Spoon spinach on top of the rice. Top lightly with grated parmesan cheese. This went very well with a baked chicken. Your Maximum Leader can also imagine this side with a number of fish dishes as well…

Your Maximum Leader would exhort you to pray for the health of Keith Richards. But unless you worship Satan he’s not sure the prayers would do much good. Isn’t there a little irony in the fact that decades of drugs, alcohol and hedonism can’t do in Keith Richards; but a fall out of a palm tree can fell the man whom your Maximum Leader thought would outlive the rest of the human race…

Your Maximum Leader reads on the AP news wire that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has written a letter to President Bush. The AP is reporting that President Ahmadinejad is offering “new solutions” to the problems the international community is having with his nation’s nuclear program. Your Maximum Leader has it on good authority that President Ahmadinejad has made the following demands, which if they are met, Iran will abandon their nuclear program.

1) The FBI arrest then drag out and shoot Kevin Federline. It seems that KFed’s career is keeping President Ahamdinejad’s recording career from taking off.
2) Require that the FCC make Oprah wear a burkha and be more obeidient to the wishes of Dr. Phil.
3) Send President Ahmadinejad a few kilos of whatever Tom Cruise is on. If it is Katie Holmes’ placenta, well then just knock that girl up again…
4) Nuke Israel.
5) Require that President Bush and President Jacques Chirac of France have a summit where they kiss and make up.
6) Send Jenna Bush to Tehran to party like its 1999 with “Big Mahmoud and the Mullahs.”
7) Foce Katie Couric to stay on Today. Mahmoud really likes that Katie/Matt Lauer banter every day. (But if you could permenantly replace Ann Curry with that super-hot Campbell Brown… Grrrrr….) 8) Set President Admadinejad up with Maureen Dowd. He thinks her whining and carrying on just make her adorable.
9) Require the US Supreme Court to use Sharia when interpreting the Constitution.
10) Have the US crawl into a great dark hole and ignore their role on the world stage.

Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that these demands will go far… But it is a start.

Carry on.

Mencia’s take on Terrorists

This is pretty funny…. in a hawkish kind of way
if your interested take a look!

Back to the trenches…..

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