Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader loves a close primary. The polls have now closed in Wisconsin (home of the Packers) and it is too close to call. It could be Kerry. It could be Edwards. It could not (it appears) be Dean or Sharpton. So you have all this political programming with all these talking heads just sitting around trying to “make sense” of the non-results so far.

Ah… Your Maximum Leader loves to watch Chris Matthews sweat.

Carry on.

I hope I am not disappointed….

IF guard accusations are true then we really are in a predicament. The faithful followers of the last administration wanted us to forget about the Presidents foibles as inconsequential and meaningless (the current ones and the one 30 years ago).
The folks on the other side of the fence pressed these issues as a BIG deal and indicators of BAD character.

So, to prove we are not hypocrites, the electorate on the Dem side needs to forget this as “nonsense” and the Repubs need to decry the president. Sound fair?

Can I have a different by line?

By the way, I still don’t know who Miss Denver isvѬ .. will I be enlightened?

Back to the trenches

Conspiracy Theory Uncovered



What They Don’t Want You to Know

In order to understand mercantalism you need to realize that everything is controlled by a Packers fans made up of the Finns with help from Freemasons.

The conspiracy first started during The Great Awakening in Longwood College. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including Trafalgar Day.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by sleeping in the nude.

They want to Skullfuck the Maximum Leader and imprison resisters in the University of Virginia using camels.

In order to prepare for this, we all must mutiny. Since the media is controlled by Smallholder we should get our information from the Foreign Minister.

More on Bush in the Guard

When I blogged about the whole National Guard thing earlier, I was primarily interested in the partisan lens through which people compared Clinton’s student deferment and Bush’s service. It seems that the can of worms is much messier.

The following blog is on top of all the briefing materials:


Bush said he would release his records and then didn’t. Phony (politically motivated) recollections. Phone calls from political heavyweights to make sure Guard officials didn’t distract Lt. Bush from important campaign-related events with petty demands that he show up for training. But the money exchange is Helen Thomas and Scott McClellan (Posted Feb 13) in which Helen seems to be doing research on a community-service sentence article. Poor McClellan.

Do I think avoiding Vietnam is a disqualification for public office? I do not. Hell, if I had been alive back then I hope I would have been smart enough to avoid Vietnam too - and I would have had to been smart since my dairy-farming family had no connections that could get me into the Guard. However, if Bush’s main campaign plank is character and he is revealed, once again, to have been disingenuous about his past/criminal record, it might be worth noting. That said, I can’t see how Thomas could be writing a story about the President being sentenced for a crime during his guard years; how the hell would a public record like a conviction have remained hidden after all these years? Someone would have found it four years ago. One would think.

Dave Barry on Winston Churchill

The Maximum Leader will enjoy this:

But that is the imperfect nature of our political system. As the late Winston Churchill once said: “Democracy is the vѬ the vѬ (WHAM).” Winston was on his 17th glass of gin when he said this, and would have broken his nose had he not landed face-first on a member of the British Royal Family, who, fortunately, was lying on the floor at the time.

From Dave Barry

Via Analphilosopher

Denver Girl

In an earlier post I proposed blogger blind dates. I didn’t think much would come of it. My intention was to give the FM’s ego a little boost - after all, who doesn’t like to hear that attractive members of the opposite sex are interested in them? I was also trying to give the ML a chance to whup up on me a bit with a reminiscence about how Denver Girl always preferred a Mike massage to a Mark massage. Plus, I hoped to tweek my good buddy director boy -> Look at this smart, hot woman that you are missing out on because of your left-wing ideology. But alas, director boy has issued no response.

The Maximum Leader and I were talking about this and we had a good laugh. If Denver Girl perceives me as chopped liver, it must be an aberration, right? Assume all of the Naked Villainy essayists were single and looking on match.com. Smallholder would get the most interest, would he not? You decide:

Maximumleader: Well-read, witty corporate executive seeks…

Airmarshal: Successful PhD Roket scientist seeks…

Foreign Minister: World-traveling raconteur former football star seeks…

Big Hominid: World-traveling, poetry writing philosopher seeks…

And, (prepare yourself ladies):

Smallholder: Grey-haired, poverty-ridden teacher and small farmer seeks…


In actuality, only the Poet Laureate is childless and unmarried. Anyone interested should check out his blog: Bighominid.blogspot.com and post a love note in his “vile viturperation” You can thank me later, Kevin.

P.S. Does it seem odd to anyone that blogger’s spellcheck does not know “blog” or “blogger?”

Hey Foreign Minister!

Call me a Republican now. I dog dare ya.

Note to Religious Types

I try to base my opinions on reason. But I understand that there are people out there who don’t like reason when it conflicts with their prejudices (see: The Maximum Leader on gay marriage). I understand that there are Christians out there who use our Lord to advance their hate-mongering agenda.

Note to hate-mongering fundamentalists: STOP HIJACKING MY RELIGION! What part of “Love thy neighbor” don’t you understand? Do you think your condemnatory tactics and attempt to impose a Christian character on public institutions saves souls? Shut the Frick up! (I had to clean up that last bit since I was appealing on religious grounds)

One wonders why fundamentalists need to demonize other groups. Is it so they can feel better about their sad lives? Try learning to think independently and you may be able to get better jobs and have better inter-personal relationships. Can’t land a good job in the science sector? Could it be that your blind adherence to an errant Creationist doctrine keeps you from understanding the Lord’s creation? Read history, my friends. Every single time the church has put itself in opposition to science (remember Galileo?) the church has lost. And that’s not because God was wrong - oh no - it was because some knuckleheads in positions of authority were a-feared of modernity and tried to use religion to suppress inquiry.

The whole point of the Protestant Reformation was that people should read the Bible and apply their individual reason to the text. But is seems that far to many fundamentalist protestants have turned off their individual reasoning skills and have allowed their preachers to TELL them what to think.

Independent thought is one of the neat things that has evolved out of Christianity. I tend (and this is not a reason-based position to reject it if you will) to believe that the kind of free, open society where we use individual thoughts and move beyond the historical prejudices of holy writ lead to a stronger, more just, and more economically vibrant society. Christians eventually moved away from sex discrimination, effectively doubling the brainpower of our population. Could that be why we have more technological innovation than Islamic society? Religions tend to promise success to their followers. Look around. A nation that is TOLERANTLY Christian is the most successful nation by almost any measure. If success is the mark of divine approval, perhaps a tolerant society is favored by the deity. I’m just sayin’.

Kilgore Trout is a wise man

Check out Kilgore’s blog. He reduces the elements of the gay marriage debate very succinctly. I particularly like how he uses atypical language that may make people think outside the boxes they have come to inhabit.

Things on the civil rights front are moving much faster than I thought they would and I expect that people who believe in equality will triumph over the merchants of hate and discrimination within the next few years. I am particularly pleased that the debate seems to have shifted. The discrimination have recognized (de facto) that discrimination is unconstitutional - they now confine themselves to bleating about a constitutional amendment (which would not be needed if the discrimination was currently legal).

I am starting to believe that many Americans who cling to the “Ewww! Gays are gross” meme will stop and think very carefully about the first proposed constitutional amendment that is aimed at taking rights away from a minority group (yes, Maximum Leader, prohibition and income tax took away rights - but they took them away from everybody equally). I believe (hope?) that Joe Snuffy will say “Well, I may not like them homosexuals, but, by God, America is about the expansion of rights, not discrimination” and will reject the amendment.


It’s my understanding that the medals Kerry threw weren’t even his own.

There’s gotta be an online source about this somewhere…


Apologies…… you are a dyed in the wool Progressive

I have been away from the Computer recently as a group of our friends from the UK are visiting for the long weekend. Upon my return to the swiveling chair in front of said computer, I see that there has been some activity here.

Oh Minister of Agriculture, do forgive me. As I do not have time to sift back through the archives to cut and paste your Right Wing leaning posts, I will acquiesce with the M of A and recant my charge that he is on the verge of becoming a Conservative Republican.

Do I get my cabbage now?


I find it a hoot that this is the first time since ???? that a military service record has ever been an issue for the DEMOCRATIC party. It will be interesting once things heat up and the gloves come off. I can’t wait to hear Kerry defend his other Vietnam record. The one that has him throwing away his medals and riding in cars with Jane Fonda.

Now I am intrigued.
Who is the Lass from Denver?
Do I know her?
Details please gentlemen!

Back to the trenchesvѬ .

Colin gets angry!

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has always wondered how he would repond to Congressmen should he ever have to testify in front of a Congressional Committee. Let him just say that he would react less politely than did Secretary of State, Colin Powell. If your Maximum Leader had to deal with Rep. Gary Ackerman (D-NY) it might go like this:

Ackerman: Truth is the first casualty of war.
ML: No Mr. Ackerman, you are the first casualty of war. For I intend to have you liquidated and your family relocated.
Ackerman: Uh… Mr. Chairman! The witness is being beligerent.
ML: Mr. Ackerman what is it to be? Beheading? The Rack? A Pack of wild dogs? Gangbanged to death by a group of dwarves?
Ackerman: Mr. Chairman! Make him stop! He’s scaring me now.
ML: Mr Chairman… Realy… If you knew what was good for you; you would send that shrill toad somewhere where decent people wouldn’t be nauseated by his grotesque deformities.
Ackerman: I’m not grotestquely deformed.
ML: Give the dwarves time. You’ll hardly recognize yourself…
Ackerman: Mommy. (wimper)
ML: Now who was going to be the next dimwitted interlocutor in this circus proceeding?

Ah yes… That is how it would go.

Carry on.

Finally… Others get it.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is very pleased to read this. Your Maximum Leader has tried to read Ulysses many times. But it doesn’t go anywhere! It is a boring overwritten story. Money line from the Reuters article:

Journalist Sean Moncrieff, writing in the Irish Examiner, said Ulysses would never see the light of day if written now.

“What happens in Ulysses?” he asked.

“Well, not much. Bloom has breakfast. Goes to a funeral. Wanders around Dublin a bit. Stephen Dedalus does the same. Gets pissed (drunk) and makes a fool of himself. They both go home.”

“Send that plot outline to any modern publisher and see how far you get.”


Carry on.

Blogger blind dates

A friend from the Maximum Leader and I’s college days has recently became single. She asked the Maximum Leader if his cute friend, our very own Foreign Minister, was a set-up possibility. What am I, chopped liver?

Of course, like the Foreign Minister, I am married and a father. But still. It would have been nice to have been thought of.

At any rate, our friend lives in Denver. She may not have the big nose Kilgore Trout seeks, but her svelte figure seems to match his other requirements. What is the etiquette of setting up someone of whom you know nothing other than their blog?

Actually, come to think of it, Denver girl’s appetites might scare the bejeezus out of shy retiring Trout.

The real internet set-up I would like to see is Annika with our Hollywood director friend. It’d be fun to see her talk politics with one of the major supporters of moveon.org. Of course, as charming as Rob is, she might overlook his raving left-wing tendencies. But my money says she would beat him to death with his own severed arms. Fun either way.


The best compost for the lands
Is the wise master’s feet and hands
— Robert Herrick

Praise a great estate
But cultivate a small one
— Virgil

The agricultural population produces the bravest men, the most valiant soldiers, and a class a citizens least given to evil designs
— Cato

Of all occupations from which gain is secured, there is none better than agriculture, nothing more productive, nothing sweeter, nothing more worthy of a free man.
— Cicero

A plowman on his legs is higher than a Gentleman on his knees.
— Benjamin Franklin

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